And so the whirlwind began. Thinking back, I remember how certain we were that we would lose at least one of these babies. I remember the intense fear I had that we could lose both. It so easily could have happened. And after all we had been through, I honestly couldn't believe 2 babies were in our future. I was just praying we would have one. One baby to hold, love and call our own.
I remember making the decision to tell the birthparents we were pregnant, and how difficult that was. I don't think I have ever been so terrified in my entire life. I was only 10 weeks along, so still felt the pregnancy was very vulnerable. And I also knew these birthparents could back out at any time, and with this news, that chance was greater. If there was ever going to be a time to lose both of these precious babies, this was it.
Well, the short story is, we were beyond blessed. We were meant to have these 2 babies, each of them joining our family in their own unique way. Now I have my sweet Jackson who sucks his thumb while cuddling his monkey lovey when he goes to sleep and my precious Addison who I love to feel playing with my shirt while she nurses in the middle of the night. I have never been so exhausted and overwhelmed. I have never felt so underprepared and incompetent. And yet I have never been so happy. The kind of happy that is full and deep and peaceful. I am at peace. One year ago, an unexpected positive test and a long-awaited-for phone call literally rocked our world. And we haven't stopped thanking God since.