My Labor

I have done A LOT of waiting in my time of being infertile, pregnant, on the adoption waiting list, etc. But nothing compares to these few days, in which this little guy is our baby in our hearts, but we have no claim to him. This time in which family and friends are celebrating, not quite understanding that unless those papers are signed tomorrow, he is not ours. We have gotten word that the birthmother is struggling with her decision, but always settles on adoption being the best plan. But, the only thing that matters is that she is able to settle on that tomorrow, with the papers in front of her. We trust her to make the right decision for her baby, no matter what that is. But, I cannot sleep or smile or breathe or live until those papers are signed and we can *officially* call him our son. I know that T, the birthmom, is suffering. I know she is in pain, she is grieving, her empty arms are aching. My heart aches knowing I can't be there with her, talk to her, reassure her she will see him in just a few weeks (we have already done the paperwork to schedule the first visit with her with the baby). But, I know nothing I can say can relieve her pain, nothing I can do can make her situation so different that she could parent her son. So, I will take my suffering, because it is my labor. She has hers. This little boy is SO incredibly loved. When the papers are signed, I assure you I will post, and I will finally get to post the adorable pictures of our son:). Until then....let's hope I survive...