My Sweet Jackson

Dear Jackson,

As we cuddled in bed together this afternoon, I couldn't help but wish that I could bottle up those moments and save them forever. It was just you and me and you snuggled right up into my neck. I could feel your breath on my neck and your fuzzy hair tickled my face. Your little hand held tight to the collar of my shirt, as if you were reassuring me that you knew I was your mommy and you loved me and needed me. Your little body molded up against mine. And we laid like that for hours. You slept like an angel, and I took comfort in hearing you breathe in and out. At times you made cute little noises. I was overcome with joy and peace, because being your mom is the best thing that has ever happened to me. And I fell asleep knowing that you are my answered prayer.

And as I woke up and savored your sweet little sleeping cuddles, I wondered how the next couple of weeks will affect you. How will you experience a new baby in our house? Will you feel like you lost something? Will you know how much we love you? How much we absolutely adore everything about you? Will you know that you are our first child, the healer of our hearts, and that this fact will never change? You made us a family. You bring laughter and joy to our house every single day. We look forward to seeing your sweet face in the morning, and we love to squeeze you tight and kiss you before you go to bed at night.

None of that will change. What will change is that we won't have as much time just for you. You will have to share your mommy and daddy. And while I know your sister will teach all three of us how big our hearts and our capacity for love really are, I worry about how her presence will change your experience of your home, your parents, and your life. How will I show you that nothing about our love for you has changed?

I promise to still take moments for just you and me to cuddle. I promise to always tell you how special you are, how much you mean to me. I promise to take time to just sit on the floor and play and giggle with you, like we do now. Your daddy and I will both do everything we can to make sure you know you are still and always will be the center of our world. Nothing can change that. There is room in the center for both of you. Daddy and I have enough love to give you both. I just know it. Hang in there with us these next few weeks, sweet boy. I absolutely know it will be a rough time at first. But I know our love for each other will get us through it. I love you more than life itself, my sweet pea. I promise to keep showing you that in every way I know how, no matter what.

All my love,

Mommy