Goodbye, Bassinet

I sold our bassinet today on craigslist. Not a huge deal one might think. But it was momentous for me. I have been lugging around that bassinet for at least 6 or 7 years, I can't even remember exactly when I got it. My mom bought it from a family member for me years and years ago (she was itching for me to have a baby, too!). And I put it in the room I thought would be the nursery, back when we lived in Michigan. Then I moved it to Arizona, then to another house in Arizona. And then finally my first miracle slept in it, and it was no longer just a piece of baby paraphernalia that I carried with me as a reminder of what I was missing. And then, my second miracle slept in it. Albeit not long, as she has decided the swing is the only place she wants to sleep. That modest little bassinet cradled my two babies, my blessings. I carried it around for years and in the course of (less than) a year, it was used, and then done being useful.

Part of this sadness is the knowledge that we will probably not have any more children - for many reasons, but we are pretty set on our decision. I literally want to stop time. They are growing so fast. Especially with Addison, as she is my last baby, I feel like it is just flying by. I feel like she's barely a baby anymore, she is getting so big. And now her bassinet is sold. No more babies of mine will be sleeping in it, nestled there next to my bed so I can hear their sweet breathing.

I know the first few months with a baby are hard - really, really hard. I honestly don't know if I could handle another newborn stage. Well, yes I could. But it'd be hard. And I certainly don't want another baby anytime soon. But as I am beginning to get rid of the baby stuff they have outgrown, I am feeling like they were barely little babies at all! When I was in the midst of "newborn hell," I honestly wondered if I could live through it and if it would ever end. Now I look back at little things - their first pacifiers, coming home outfits, the papasan, and that ever-present bassinet - and my heart hurts. Those days are over, and they literally flew by.

Addison will be leaving my room next week, moving to her crib. My stomach churns and my eyes moisten as I write that. No need for a bassinet anymore. So, I said goodbye to our bassinet today, and all that it represents: