Just One Year Ago

June was a big month for us last year. On June 10th, we got the positive pregnancy test that changed our life. On June 24th, we got the call we had so anxiously been waiting for, which also changed our life. I remember our social worker (L) calling like it was yesterday. I was at a presentation for work and therefore had my phone turned down. I actually was waiting for a call from my RE with my HCG blood test results. I was so sure we were going to lose that pregnancy because my HCG did not double at first. So I checked my phone and had a message from L. I wasn't immediately excited because she had called for different things before, but the minute I heard her message..."Hi Faith, I have a situation I want to discuss with you..." my heart started racing. Within an hour I had talked with her and learned that we had been chosen to parent a baby girl, but the parents were not yet positive they were going to place. Their daughter (or so we thought!) was due August 24. And I had also gotten a voicemail from my doctor - my HCG looked great, all was well.

And so the whirlwind began. Thinking back, I remember how certain we were that we would lose at least one of these babies. I remember the intense fear I had that we could lose both. It so easily could have happened. And after all we had been through, I honestly couldn't believe 2 babies were in our future. I was just praying we would have one. One baby to hold, love and call our own.

I remember making the decision to tell the birthparents we were pregnant, and how difficult that was. I don't think I have ever been so terrified in my entire life. I was only 10 weeks along, so still felt the pregnancy was very vulnerable. And I also knew these birthparents could back out at any time, and with this news, that chance was greater. If there was ever going to be a time to lose both of these precious babies, this was it.

Well, the short story is, we were beyond blessed. We were meant to have these 2 babies, each of them joining our family in their own unique way. Now I have my sweet Jackson who sucks his thumb while cuddling his monkey lovey when he goes to sleep and my precious Addison who I love to feel playing with my shirt while she nurses in the middle of the night. I have never been so exhausted and overwhelmed. I have never felt so underprepared and incompetent. And yet I have never been so happy. The kind of happy that is full and deep and peaceful. I am at peace. One year ago, an unexpected positive test and a long-awaited-for phone call literally rocked our world. And we haven't stopped thanking God since.