Monday, January 16, 2012

Addison is 11 Months Old!!

Well, my sweet baby girl is 11 months old! I'm not sure how this happened, but it did! Addison loves books now! She spends a great deal of her play time bringing us books and making her cute little noise at us that tells us she wants something. She loves for us to point out pictures and name things. She will bring book after book after book. Addison says "bah bah" in a cute little whisper and waves one or both of her hands to say "bye bye." She also learned how to put the rings on her ring stackers this month. She can even do the wooden one with the smaller holes, which is really impressive to me! She will sit and put every single ring on, which is also amazing to me! Addison constantly points and makes her little noise now to get our attention. She is communicating for sure! She says "dadda" all the time. She will say "momma" on cue, but not randomly like she says "dadda." Surprisingly, she has not done a lot of practicing her walking. She doesn't love to use walkers and she will cruise on furniture sometimes, but often prefers to get down and just crawl. When she wants to get somewhere fast, she puts her head down and just takes off crawling. It is so funny to see! And this girl does not sit still - for anything. You can probably tell by this month's pictures:). The ones with me and Jackson were attempts to get her to sit still and smile - failed attempts!

Addison is still our little "sleep warrior." She does not love to go to sleep and will cry for over an hour sometimes before giving in. It's so hard for us because we know she is tired - and if we go in there to try and calm her down, it just makes it worse when we leave. Poor thing. She still gets up 1 or 2 times a night to eat. Wow, I wonder when that will end. As far as eating, she still nurses 3 times a day and 1 or 2 times at night. She goes through phases where she refuses ANY baby food. Lately, she'll allow us to feed her baby food straight from the pouches, so she can suck it out. But she won't eat anything off of a spoon. She is so picky. If we pull out something she doesn't want, she turns her head all the way behind her, straining her neck, to let us know she does not want anything to do with it. It's almost like she's saying, "Take it away please!" She is definitely not the best eater or sleeper!

Addison has found her voice with her brother. If he takes something she really wants, she does not hesitate to scream and then cry. It's so sad to see. However, if she doesn't care either way, she lets him walk all over her. Often times, she sees him coming and drops whatever toy she has and crawls away before he gets to her. She is avoiding a confrontation! If she really wants what she is playing with, she will sometimes throw herself into my lap so I will protect her (and her treasured toy:))! She is one smart girl!

I am so in love with my baby girl. She is just so precious. I still have moments when I look at her and remember being pregnant with her and have tears spring to my eyes because I can't believe she is really mine. I can't believe I have a daughter. I just can't believe how blessed I am. In one month, my baby girl will turn 1 year old. Now I know why parents always say, "You will always be my baby." It's cliche and annoying when all you want to be is a grown up, but as a parent, I know it is true. Jackson will always be my baby boy and Addison will forever be my baby girl. No matter how old they get. Happy 11 months, my sweet baby doll! I love you more than you could ever know.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012


I am in a weird nostalgic place lately. My babies are still babies, but oh how I miss the newborn stage! This is something I rarely talk about, but there were things about their homecomings that I wish were different. When Jackson came home, I was 14 weeks pregnant and exhausted. I couldn't fully enjoy him OR my pregnancy. When Addy came home, I was already deep into my role as a mother of a 6 month old. The anxiety I had about my ability to care for them both was excruciating. I had a hard time soaking in the wonderfulness of either of my newborns. As I sift through their long outgrown clothes and look through old pictures, I can't help but ache inside. I don't necessarily want another baby (right now), but I would give my left arm to be able to go back and do it all over again with them. Honestly, I did not love the newborn phase. I despised it if I'm being really real with you. I always loved other people's newborns, but having my own was harder than I ever imagined it could be. I found myself saying, "I love newborns when they are someone else's!" Turns out, I don't do sleep deprivation, lack of predictability, lack of any kind of schedule, non-stop walking/bouncing, endless baby vomit, and lots and lots of crying very well. I REALLY don't do it well when I have the pressure of 2 babies to worry about. Who knows if I would have done it more gracefully if I'd had them further apart.

I am putting together their memory boxes and I hold up their little coming home outfits and cannot even imagine them that little - and they swam in those outfits. I want just a day or two again with them when they were that little, knowing what I know now. Knowing that it WILL get easier, that I WILL breathe again, that I WILL adjust to the lack of sleep somehow. If I could have known that then, I might have been able to enjoy it more. At the time, it felt like I might never emerge from sheer physical, mental and emotional exhaustion. Yet, here I am. I am tired, but not too tired to enjoy every second of my days with my babies. I even enjoy cuddling Addison usually during her middle-of-the-night feedings. I have come a long way. We have come a long way. My heart literally ached when I held up Addison's coming home outfit tonight. That phase that I felt might actually kill me was really just as long as the the blink of an eye. And now I want just a few more hours to smell her and cradle her without her squirming to crawl away:).

Every phase is such a joy. They do more funny, adorable and amazing things as they grow. But there is nothing like the innocence of a newborn baby. And some days, I just wish I could have enjoyed each of them more during those times. Please don't hear me complaining. I am blessed. Beyond blessed. But until you've had 2 babies, 6 months apart, it's hard to explain how exhausting it is, and how hard it can be to enjoy those blessings when you can't even think straight. So, I'm just remembering tonight and missing my itty bitty newborn babies.

This is Jackson in his pink sleeper - this was taken by the social worker when she picked him up from the hospital:). I hadn't even met my sweet boy yet!

Cuddling with this daddy.

After his first bath. How precious is he?!

Addison in the hospital. Oh my, she is perfect.

Getting ready to head home. I still can't believe she swam in that sleeper - it was so small!