Tuesday, April 24, 2012

What Does Mother's Day Mean To You?

I recently noticed an article about Mother's Day entitled "Taking Mother's Day Back" floating around on facebook.  The general idea, in case you don't want to head to the link and read it yourself, was that Mother's Day is just another day for moms to have to work (cleaning up the breakfast her kids made for her, trimming  and tending to the flowers that are given to her, etc) and that we should take back the day for ourselves.  She suggested an "anti-Mother's Day."   She states, "For one day, all I want is to be left alone and not be a mother."

Ok, so don't get me wrong, as she continues, I can see her point.  I totally feel her when she says that for once, she wants to sleep in (hallelujah!), not do laundry, wipe noses or behinds, etc.  I have my days when I literally pull my hair and scream, "I need a break!"  You all read my last post - things aren't always rosy in my world.  Motherhood is not always simple, glamorous or magical.  

That said...I absolutely do not want to be left alone on Mother's Day.  I want to spend every second I can with my 2 sweet babies.  I waited for so many years to get to celebrate this special day as a mom.  I dreamed of the things I could do, and those always included little smiling faces.  I imagined what it would be like to face that day with a full heart.  Last year, my first Mother's Day as a mom, I did sleep in.  And then I spent the whole day with my family, just relishing the feeling of being a mom.  

I wonder what message it sends as a mom to say "I want nothing to do with you on this day that is set aside to celebrate my special and blessed role as your mom?"  I could not be a mom without those 2 sweet toddlers currently tucked in to their cribs for the night.  They are my gifts, my blessings, my life.  The way I see it, on Mother's Day, I am thanking them for all they bring to me.  I get to be their mom.  

I spend every day being thankful that I have a life that includes enough.  Enough everything - health, food, shelter, safety, unnecessary material things, whatever.  I get to wake up healthy next to my healthy husband listening to my healthy babies babbling (or sometimes crying at me) over their monitors.  Then I have the energy and resources to spend each day with this beautiful family, raising these two precious little people.  All of this is nothing less than amazing.   With all that is scary, painful, and horrific in this world...I get this life.  I don't know why I am this privileged, but I choose not to take it for granted.

So, for me, Mother's Day is a special day to celebrate the dream that I am living, as Jackson's and Addison's mom.  I don't know exactly what I will do that day, but I can assure you it will be spent with my miracles. So, I ask you, what does Mother's Day mean to you?

Saturday, April 14, 2012

I'm Just Sayin'

I just feel the need to post about something because it's been popping up for me lately, and usually if I write it, it goes away! I want to preface this entire post by stating that I AM HAPPY. I am not complaining and very few moments go by without me recognizing my many blessings in this life.

Ok, all of that said, I am finding myself getting a little jealous (if that's really the word?) of moms with only one baby or one baby and one older child lately. I wonder if jealous is really the word because I don't get all snippy and bitter and angry. I just kind of look at them and wish I could do what they can do. Like, if I had only one, I would hop on a plane with him or her and head to Michigan to visit my family. I work part time and I could do it. But not with two. Not now, not ever. I would die! And I miss my family so much. I desperately want them to know my kids. Or, like, going to the park. It is absolutely impossible for one adult to go with 2 toddlers to the park, the mall, the pool....really anywhere. One toddler heads one way, the other inevitably goes the other. One climbs up on the climber (which is up high and not safe at all) and the other wants to explore the other end of the park. There has to ALWAYS be 2 adults. I want to be able to get up and go when one wakes up from a nap - but, alas, the other one isn't up. I just want to be more free.

With Jason's schedule the way it is, I haven't had to feel too cooped up. But, his shift is changing after 2 years, and I am facing the reality that I will be left alone with my 2 munchkins the majority of every day and night. I signed the babies up for kindermusic classes and have had to begin asking friends to come with me, because we aren't sure Jason can go with his new shift and there has to be one adult to one child. I want to do swimming lessons, but again, who will go with me? I have no family here. So now what? It's like every little thing that I see other moms doing takes an incredible amount of planning...and then begging other people to go with me. Jason was out of town 2 weekends ago and I desperately wanted the babies to be able to go to the Easter event at the mall...so I begged someone to go with me. I find myself feeling so guilty, and I try to rotate who I beg. I hate having to rely on other people. But I want my babies to be able to do anything they would have been able to do if there had only been one of them. I don't want our decision to have them so close together to take away from their experiences. Oh yes...there it is. Here is what is behind it all - good 'ole mommy guilt. So, I guess jealous wasn't the world. Guilt was.

I assume this gets better as they get older. At some point, I should be able to take them out without needing one adult per child. But I am guessing that is still out in the future somewhere. I just need to make peace with the fact that this is what we chose, this is our life, and it is a GOOD life. Maybe my babies can't go as many places as other babies. But they have a perfect little playmate at home, and they will always have that in each other. I have to let go of my need to go out and do so much. Or I have to suck it up and keep begging. This definitely isn't the way I imagined motherhood. Maybe that's why I get a little bit jealous. The way those moms are doing it is the way I imagined motherhood would be for me. I would pop my baby in the car seat and we'd head out to the park whenever we wanted. S/he and I would be carefree and would be able to really enjoy each other's presence. As it is now, most outings become chaotic and stressful as I struggle to stay on top of two toddlers' demands before one or the other, or both, melt down. It just isn't how I imagined it to be. It's not bad, it's just hard.

Ok, so now it's out there. I apologize if it sounds like I am complaining. I'm really not. These 2 beautiful children bring me an immense amount of joy every day. Sometimes, I just get tired. And wonder what it would be like to have children ONE at a time, lol!

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Happy Easter!

Jason's family is in town so this is our first holiday since moving to Arizona that we actually have family visiting to celebrate with! We are loving it!

Addy getting in a snuggle on camera - love it:).

Ok, they were a teensy bit more cooperative in this one:).

Easter dinner!

Egg hunting!

He totally got the concept - it was too cute! I dreamed of doing things like this with my kids - now look at us!

Mmm...jelly beans. He's never had these before, so he was quite impressed, lol!

Our bunny princess:).

We went a little overboard with the Easter baskets - it was so fun, though. Again, it's one of those things I dreamed about, but for years really wondered if I'd ever get to do.

Happy Easter, everyone! I hope yours was as blessed as ours was!