Thursday, May 9, 2013

Livin' The Dream

Wow, it has been SO long since I have gotten on here to write.  My life is full.  Very very full.  It is full of things I once dreamed of, like visiting preschools (Jax will be 3 in August!), going to play dates, scheduling doctor's appointments, talking to other mommies and researching about discipline and potty training, figuring out how to get my kids to eat healthy know, the usual.  There are so many decisions to be made when you have children, so many things to consider.  Am I yelling too much?  Will he be ok with that teacher or this one?  How many days should he be in preschool?  Should we go to that play date, I don't know if we should because that one boy is a monster to them and it drives me crazy?!  Should I buy organic strawberries or can I go non-organic this one time because they are on sale for $.99 a quart?  Are they ready to potty train or will it be a disaster?  Can we handle a trip back to visit family or will it be a double disaster?  When should I finally wean Addy?  Can I handle the tantrums?  Am I doing enough crafts with them?  Are we always too busy and am I making my  kids suffer because of it?  Phew!  I could do this for paragraphs and paragraphs, but you get the idea.  So when I sit down to write, my head is swarmed and I just give up!

Let me just tell you that I have two beautiful, perfect, healthy children and for that I am so grateful.  My days feel exhausting and draining, but in the end, I am beyond blessed.  Jackson is joyful, energetic and pretty laid back. He is also very sensitive and while he doesn't get his feelings hurt often, when he does, it is epic and breaks my heart.  I see my nurturing spirit in him now.  When Addy gets really upset, he tries desperately to calm her either by reminding her of the rule she got in trouble for or trying to give her a big hug.  My heart just soars seeing his kindness - I know that must mean that, in the midst of me struggling through parenthood, I am doing some things right.   Poor Jax has had strep this week, and seeing his sad cry is just too much!  I also finally made his "My Story" Shutterfly photo book and could not be happier to finally have the basics of his adoption story written down and documented for him to read over and over again. I've been creating that book in my head for almost 3 years!  Jackson got to see T (his birth mom) in January and it was a beautiful time for all of us.  I keep in touch with her and we are building a unique and incredible relationship.  She told me recently that she and A made Jackson for me, Jason and Addy.  She also told me that she does not regret her decision to place him with us even one little bit.  I can't explain to you, unless you are an adoptive parent, what that means to me.  I dreamed of hearing my child's birth parents say that to me when I was waiting to be a mommy.  And our time has come!  Every time I look at Jackson, I can't get over how beautifully and perfectly we all came together.  He is our sunshine and our family could never be complete without him in it.  Our story was clearly written long before we knew it.  There is no other way to explain how right it all feels.

Addison is my little mini-me. This girl is smart as a whip, a quick-thinker, determined to get her way no matter what, bossy, and rule-oriented.  She remembers a rule after the first time I tell her (and by "remember," I mean she can recite it, not necessarily always follow it:)).  She tells me "No hit Jackson, hitting is naaaaughty!"  Or she will tell me, "Don't go in the street, stay on sidewalk where mommy and daddy can see you."   She just recites rules out of the blue!  Recently she has been "yelling" at her dollies and does the "uh uh" (in a very mommy-is-mad tone just like mine lol).  Then she says, "Don't do that, that is naaaughty, you go to ty-oup (time out)!"   She was kicking me the other day while I tried to change her diaper and I finally swatted her on her diaper-padded butt (yes, I know, not the right thing to do but I get desperate sometimes) and told her "You don't kick mommy!"  She came right back at me, "Uh-uh, Mommy!  You don't hit me!  That is not ok!"  Oh goodness, this girl is something else.  I tried not to, but I had to laugh.  To be fair, she was right.  They teach me so much every single day.

Together, these two are insanely cute.  They now have conversations and play together (often ending in tears, I might add).  The other night Jackson said to Addison, "Addison, stop bugging me!" and Addison said back, "I didn't mean to bug you!"  I cracked up.  They fight a lot too.  We are in the isn't-it-fun-to-hit-just-for-the-sake-of-hitting phase.  Not fun.  One or the other is often screaming after being hit or pinched by the other.  Deep breaths, we will prevail!    They also show a great amount of affection and love to each other, as you can see from the top picture.  Those are the moments that get me through the day.  Addy loves to kiss Jackson goodnight before bed and then she often greets him in the morning with a big, happy "Good morning, Jackson!!"  I love it!

Overall, life is busy but good.  I am learning a lot about letting go - of lists, of expectations, of rules, of my plans in general.  Each day, I have to re-learn this. It's hard to have your life completely consumed by two little beings.  They are adorable, cute, wonderful, smart, funny miracles.  But they are EXHAUSTING.  And I am not a selfish person, but sometimes they do take too much from me, and that is my fault for not setting boundaries for myself.  So I am working on balance.  Between my kids, my job and my volunteer Board work, I need "me time" too.  I haven't figured out how to get it, but I am working on it.  So that is a very short update on how we are - living the dream over here:)!


  1. They are such precious kids!!! I am dealing with the one sided sibling fighting now and it is wearing me out!!!!!

  2. Wow, busy is right!!!!!!!

    I am glad you are enjoying it though!

    We create balance by Ray going to golf on Saturday at 11, he usually gets home by 3 and on Sunday around 4 I go see a movie or shop or something. Its nice to have that.

    They are just tooo cute by the way!

  3. Yeah for some new pictures! Sounds like you've got a lot on your plate right now momma! Oh and the strawberry thing gets me every time. I've read over and over that you should always buy organic when purchasing strawberries, but it's SO hard to fork over $6 when the same size container is right next to it for $2!

  4. Oh my gosh! They are getting so big! That first black and white pic just melted my heart! You DO sound very busy..and very blessed for sure :) How things have changed!!! So good to see an update from you :)

  5. I always love reading your updates. Your kids are just gorgeous. I think we would have awesome play dates :) You are doing a great job mommy!