Wednesday, April 27, 2011

If You Adopt...

...then you'll get pregnant! Anyone heard that one before? There are so many things wrong with that statement and I really love Wendi's comments about it. Hop on over to her blog and see what she thinks about the myth that once you adopt, you are sure to get pregnant. She, like I, got pregnant soon after adopting her son. And so the comments go, "I knew that would happen," or "See? All you had to do was adopt!" or "That ALWAYS happens!" I cringed when I knew I was pregnant and adopting, because I knew those comments were coming and those comments seemed to imply that I adopted in an effort to get pregnant. And that is SO not true. Jason and I would have been just as happy and content with our son, Jackson, if he was our only child. We love him that much. Of course, we adore our daughter and wouldn't want our life any other way...but that is in no way an indication that Jackson wasn't enough, all on his own.

I'm not going to repeat what Wendi wrote, so head over there and see the statistic of how many adopting couples actually get pregnant after adopting. It's not that many. As she so smartly points out, it's more that you hear those stories more often simply because they are that spectacular and unique. People tell me all the time that they tell my story to people. I find myself being introduced as, "This is Faith and she adopted her son and had a baby 6 months later!" They find it that interesting because it doesn't always happen that way.

I absolutely don't believe that I "just relaxed" and that is why I got pregnant. In fact, I was anxiously awaiting a call to be matched when I became pregnant, not relaxed at all. Yes, I had let go of the intense motivation to get pregnant, but certainly the agonizing wait to be a mommy was not over! I believe that our children were always meant to be our children. They were meant to come how they did, when they did. We didn't know the plan, and thank God we didn't. Because we may have tried to mess it up. And what a mistake that would have been. What we have is perfect. They are perfect.

So, when you do repeat our story (and please do, we are beyond blessed and want the world to know it!), please do so in an educated way. That means leaving out the, "It happens all the time when they just relax!" part of the story. Because it's not true. And there are many implications to that, and we don't want our story to be a part of those implications. We of course want people to see hope, beauty and miracles in our story because that is what we see. So please share those pieces! This is our miracle....


  1. so sweet faith and glad to hear things are well in your home!

    I actually laugh that we adopted 20 months ago and still arent pregnant...i want to remind all those that told me 20 months ago " now that you have faith you'll get pregnant" I want to just go up to some of them and be like hey look at me STILL NOT PREGNANT LOL

    and then to those who didnt think we should adopt because we of course just needed to "relax" hey people look almost 4 yrs later STILL NOT PREGNANt

    i can laugh to day cuz by the grace of god i am still barren yet blessed to be called "mama"

  2. Beautiful family! :) Love this post. I cant tell you have many times I've heard that "Adopt and you'll get pregnant." Makes me crazy!

  3. I love this post!

    I just wrote my Bust a Myth: "Just Relax" post last night-- Our posts are quite similar:

  4. What a cute family!!!
    Thanks for the link!

  5. I can't believe how uneducated people can be. My miscarriage was the real kicker for me- I couldn't understand how people thought they were helping me by saying things like, "well, at least you know you can get pregnant." Thanks people. :)

  6. I have heard that so many times I want to puke!

  7. The worst was when the nurses in the delivery room were joking about it. Here I was in the throws of labor of my 2nd miracle and they were devaluing my 1st miracle!

    We don't get that (particular) comment very often anymore...

    Nicely put, Faith.

  8. I wish I had a dollar for everytime I hear that! ha! I don't even let it bother me anymore. I just tell them it's not likely it will happen and that's not why we adopted. I'll have to check out the link. Thanks for posting it. :)