I hope to put Jackson into preschool next fall for a couple of mornings a week (and Addison the year after). So, I decided it was time to visit the few preschools I am considering to get an idea of where I want him to be. I am a planner of course:). I visited the one at the top of my list first this week. I was told that the preschool rented space from St. Andrews church, so I put it into my GPS and we headed over there. Then I pulled up...and realized that St. Andrews church is where we had our adoption classes almost three years ago.
It's hard to describe how different my life is now. I almost couldn't even remember what I felt like sitting in those classes. That intense level of anxiety and sadness is now foreign to me. I am a completely different person. I pulled up, hauling two toddlers, in jeans, messy hair, and two strollers in the back of my SUV. Yep, that's me now! I could not be happier.
I can't believe that I didn't know Jackson as I sat in those classes. I knew implicitly that those classes were my path to motherhood. I just knew it. I had more hope sitting in those classes than I had had in years. But I didn't know my baby boy! How is that possible? I can't imagine a life without him in it...what was my heart doing before Jackson and Addison took it over? I really don't know. Like I said, I'm a different person now.
I could not have imagined a more perfect little boy. I tried to imagine, sitting in those folding chairs, listening to the social worker talk and shivering because the room was freezing, what our story would look like. I imagined so many scenarios, different kinds of birth parents at different stages of their pregnancies, frantic calls to the hospital, building a connection with a birth mom over months, etc. I even imagined that I would surprisingly get pregnant and maybe leave the adoption process. I was just hoping for a baby. I never considered the story that came to be - two babies in six months. Two perfect, healthy babies. My babies.
I love when life throws things into the mix to cue your memory, to remind you of where you came from. I have learned so much, and I know I am a better person because I walked the path I did. I have to share with you the joy and wonder that Jackson brings to my life, in picture form:
6 hours ago