Anyway, baby girl looked SO much bigger. Her head looked huge, and she was head down, face planted into my spine. (Could be the reason for my intense lower back pain at times?) So, once again, she hid her face from view. We were able to see pieces (eyes, forehead, etc) with the vaginal ultrasound. We also saw her adorable little perfect ears. Incredible. She is still looking like a girl "down there," although the doctor said her view last time was better than this time. She was all crunched up in a ball. She estimated that baby girl weighed 1lb 10oz. I can't believe it. I'm still in awe that this little baby, who by the way just reached the AGE OF VIABILITY (eek!), is in ME. She kicked and squirmed so much. I swear she knows when I put the doppler on my belly, or when the ultrasound probe is there. She starts moving like crazy. Jason was able to feel a lot of it, too, which was such a cool experience. One I honestly never thought I'd have. I remember writing about my feelings of complete failure - failing to give him those experiences. And here we were, Jackson sleeping away in his daddy's arms, experiencing together our baby girl growing and moving. Does every pregnant woman just stand in awe at this whole experience?
Honestly, every time she starts an ultrasound, I hold my breath. I literally can hear here say the words, "I'm sorry, there is no heartbeat" for a split second. And then she doesn't, and I breathe again. With each ultrasound, the anxiety fades more quickly. But, I can't forget. I can't act like I am normal and expect everything to be ok. I wonder if that will ever go away?
For now, everything IS ok. I am carrying so many feelings of bliss, fear, anxiety, happiness, you name it. And I know that this is also normal for any pregnant woman, so I am just experiencing it all with calm. So far, no big freak outs:). Talk to me when she's within a month of arrival. I bet "calm" won't be in my vocabulary anymore!
Ok, a recently created poopy diaper calls! I'll update you after our next appointment in a month...time sure is flying!