We started our 2010 with hearts full of grief, clinging desperately to the hope in our adoption plan to keep us going. When I turned 30 in March, I wrote this post. I was trying, somewhat successfully, to believe that year 30 would be my year of blessings. When I turn 31, if all goes as planned, it will be a very different post, and I will be a very different person. I already am. I went on to write this post in April. I spoke of the mythical nature of a healthy pregnancy in my world...I believe unicorns were referenced as a comparison:). I still fight that view, I still fight the worry and anxiety every day. I still struggle every day to believe this baby, this daughter of ours, will arrive safely come February. But Jackson has changed me. He helps me to believe. I have him, and that is absolute proof that miracles happen, that I can be happy, and that my life is perfect - if not a product of my own planning. His presence has allowed me to embrace this pregnancy and to have faith. I am so thankful for him, for so many thousands of reasons.
As I sit here, Jackson is sleeping on my chest, all warm and cuddly. And on top of that joy, I am currently feeling baby girl moving around in there, announcing her presence as she does multiple times a day. Can you believe how things can change in less than a year? I am in awe.