Monday, June 6, 2011

Update on Jackson's visitor

We had a great time with A, Jackson's birthdad. He is a great guy, laid back, and just really nice. I could tell he enjoyed Jackson, but he kept his distance. He often referred to us as mom and dad. He also often compared Jackson to him - "Oh yeah, I used to do that all the time!" He would ask things about Jackson, wondering if Jackson took after him in certain ways. I got the impression he really wanted Jackson to be similar to him. We were happy to hear his stories - to hear about the things we might be in for! Turns out A was quite the wild child, lol! Jackson has the EXACT same mouth, cheeks and chin as A. It is uncanny. And it is beautiful. I love to see him with someone he looks like, I love to know he'll always have that connection. It makes my heart happy for him.

Jackson turned on his most charming smiles for A - it was almost like he knew what a special person A was. He would look at A and you literally could see him dial up the cuteness! We all found it quite amusing. We talked about A's family, and how they were processing the adoption. A was adopted himself, so there are interesting dynamics. A's parents are sad about the adoption of their grandchild, but are beginning to consider visiting Jackson. We have offered visits to them from the beginning, knowing that A's mom has taken the situation especially hard. They follow Jackson on Jason's facebook page, so we know they see how healthy, happy and beautiful Jackson is. A believes that he may be ready to take them with him next time he comes to visit. We are so excited for the possibility. We absolutely believe that Jackson cannot have too many people to love him - as long as they are healthy people for him, we want him to know how much they love him.

I have had many other moms say they are not sure they could do what we are doing, that they just couldn't "share" their child. I am not sharing Jackson any more than you ever share your baby with your family. A and his parents are Jackson's family. That does not make me any less his mom. And I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that knowing his birth family is the best thing for him. So, even when I do have insecurities, I am able to move past them. Because it is what is best for Jackson. And any mom would do what they know is best for her child, no matter the pain (or insecurity) it caused her. So, while I know it must be hard for others to understand in the abstract, when you are in this situation, it is pretty natural. Doing what is best for your child, what will help him to grow up happy and secure, is just what moms and dads do. So, that is what we are doing!


  1. I feel like you are doing an amazing thing for him. He will appreciate it so much, and will always know that you are his mom. :)

  2. I love this post and I love everything you had to say about Jackon's birth father. We have offered Ellie's BP the opportunity to visit her, but so far they are not interested. I hope they will change their minds someday.
    You asked about black out curtains in my last post and I can't find your email address so thought I'd post here. Here are some options I looked at:
    Pottery Barn- if your budget is large, they have some great curtains. I was on a small budget so that wasn't an option
    Target- They have some super cute options and that's where I ended up purchasing the one's in Ellie's room
    Bed Bath and Beyond- Also has some good choices and with the 20% off coupon the price isn't bad.
    Hope that helps! Good luck in your search!

  3. I'm so glad the visit went well!

  4. I think it's so great that you're sharing the positive experiences of your son's open adoption. I know it's something that people are curious about, and when we were first considering adoption, we were very fearful about.

    Although our daughter's birthfamily hasn't requested visits, I know exactly the feelings you talk about in your last paragraph. We've actually gotten some mixed reactions to the fact that we send photos and letters. And I think you're right in saying that if they were in this situation, their feelings would be different.

    Thanks for sharing!

  5. I always wondered if that was a scary/difficult thing to do, but I think you explained it perfectly.
    How fun to see how similar Jackson and A look!!!

  6. Glad to hear the visit went well. The path you have chosen will always include Jackson's birth parents and you will never have that time of; "When is it time to tell him that he was adopted or his curiosity of who his birth parents are." It is always best to do what is best for your children. We LOVE him dearly and can understand just how much others will love him also. ~LOVE TO YOU ALL~

  7. This is a sweet and candid post, Faith. Xx