Things that make me smile...

Wow, a post a day for 2 days! Don't worry the trend cannot and will not continue, lol! I noticed throughout my day so many little things that make my heart just swell with love, so I figured I'd share:)....

• Addison is clapping her hands - especially when I'm doing something she likes, like getting her more puffs. It is A-dor-able!! And her eating puffs is a sight to see, too. Her aim is not quite on target, lol. SO cute!
• Both babies love the "men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men" song from Two and a Half Men. I have that show on from 6-7pm because Jason is at work and I don't like the dark quiet house. And they have picked up on that song and stop what they are doing to look at me and smile....and Jackson dances to it! Tonight we were in a completely different room eating dinner and he heard it and started dancing in his chair with a huge grin on his face. Priceless!
• We went to the eye doctor today to get glasses and some other people there were talking to Jackson. He's a gorgeous little man and he draws a crowd:). He was on my lap and shyly cuddled into my chest. I LOVE that feeling. I love being his mom. I love that he feels safe with me. I love being THE ONE for him. I craved that feeling for so many years.
• I take daily walks with the babies now. I love it. They are calm and quiet the entire time. I don't have to entertain them. We get fresh air. I get a little exercise. What's not to love?
• The babies were in their chairs tonight eating dinner and just cracking each other up. They would reach towards each other and then they'd both just start giggling. They made eye contact and seemed to be communicating in their own amazing way. I have no idea what was so funny but they just kept laughing. And of course I laughed. I love that they are playing together like this now. It's just now hitting me that Addison has a brother and Jackson has a sister. I hope they always know what a blessing that is.
• Nursing Addy before her naps and before bed continues to be some of the best moments of my days. I cherish each moment. In 4 months, she will be a toddler. Cuddle time is at a premium. Maybe I shouldn't nurse her to sleep (she doesn't always go to sleep though) but I could care less. I earned this bliss. And I will eat it up.
• I attempted my first out-of-the-house trip by myself with the babies that was just for fun (we've done it for necessity, but I normally wait for Jason to be home to go out for fun because it is SO much work with 2 babies). We went to the mall play area. It went wonderfully (well, at least the babies did SO well, the play area was a mess of drama that I don't want to get in to here) and it built up my confidence. I will try it more and more. I can do this!
• Both babies are usually in bed by 8pm now. And I get an hour or so to do what I need to do AND what I want to do. I get to watch one of my favorite shows on my DVR or cruise facebook or write blogs about all the ways my babies make me smile:).
• And, my hubby makes me smile every day too - he is SO cute with these babies. He adores them, they adore him. But he still recognizes that I am the favorite and he's ok with that:). He works hard so I can be at home with my babies and have the luxury to work out of the home when I choose and how I choose. And then he watches the babies when I do work. And he does all our vacuuming! Now THAT'S a keeper, lol! I am so blessed to share this life, and these miracles, with him.

So, there you go, just a short list of the things that make my days amazing. How did I get so lucky? I don't know, but I'm sure going to savor every moment!

Jackson's 1 Year Photos....

Yep, I am WAY late on this. Over 2 months late. I have no excuse. There are more photos, but it's too much work trying to get them on here (they are BIG files and take forever to upload), so this is just a sampling:). Our little man has become such a big boy. He mimics things now, he plays with a purpose - for example, stacking rings instead of taking them apart, putting all the play food in the play pot, making the "vroom" noise when he has a car or when he wants to push us in his car (a cardboard box he likes to ride in:))... It's amazing. He is communicating with his actions now - tonight he stopped playing and walked to the bathroom when he was ready to go to bed so I could brush his teeth. Amazing! He also walked to the kitchen after his bath and cried when I tried to stop in the living room. He wanted his bottle, so he needed me to follow him to the kitchen! I wish he could use words, but for now, he's making himself pretty clear:). Jackson has the most amazing laugh and he loves to play silly games with us and giggle. He now begins the play and gives us cues on which games he wants to play. And my heart is so full just thinking about it! He is teething like crazy, he's got some rough molars coming in. And, bless his heart, he STILL sleeps through the night. He wakes up crying now and then, but by the time I get the energy up to go in there, he's already back to sleep. That's my good boy:). Jackson is learning to climb. Last night, he used the throw pillow on the floor as a step up to the couch and then proudly sat there playing with the remote control, just like mommy and daddy! I just love everything he does! This is such a fun age, and he is such a fun boy. I'll never get over how blessed we are to be his mom and dad. What a miracle he is.

Addison is 8 Months Old!!

Well, time keeps marching on! And our sweet little girl turned 8 months old. This girl is a SERIOUS go-getter. She never stops moving. Changing her diaper is an olympic event, I kid you not. When we take her into stores in the grocery cart, she bounces up and down constantly and you can hear her coming because the metal is clanging so much, lol! Addison is determined and persistent. If she wants something, she just keeps moving and pushing and concentrating until she gets it. She is like me in that way - NOTHING will get in her way if she wants something bad enough. I love watching her as she fights her way to whatever it is she wants. Because I fought my way to her in the exact same way.

Addison is crawling all over and is very competent now at pulling up to stand - she rarely falls now. She can get up and down quite gracefully. She has moved between things - like from the ottoman to the coffee table, but she is still not quite cruising on a regular basis. She is babbling a lot now and it is so freakin' adorable. She says "ba ba ba" and "da da da" and "ma ma ma." She sometimes plays in her crib before and after naps now (instead of screaming) and we love to hear her squealing and babbling in there. She squeals and growls a lot in general, but getting her to laugh is a special occasion. She still only has her bottom two teeth, but seems to be working on her top two - she's been really fussy and clingy lately and chewing on her fingers a lot.

Addison is still not really a fan of baby food. We did move her to Stage 2 foods, but she rarely eats more than a half of a jar for each meal, and even a half jar is a good feeding. Usually she takes 1 or 2 bites, then just fusses until we let her out of her chair. She also has tried cheerios and puffs, but again, she hasn't quite figured those out. I guess we should just go at her pace and hope she eventually makes her peace with food. She will go a few days sometimes when she will eat really well and excitedly. But then she always goes back to refusing it. Addison is sleeping from about 7:30 or 8pm until around 7 or 7:30am (although she was up at 6:30am the last 2 mornings, hope this isn't her new wake up time!). She gets up twice during the night to eat, usually around 1am and 4:30am. I really hope she drops one of those soon, but she's really showing no signs of being ready yet. I've talked to lots of moms lately who have babies who do this, so I'm now thinking this is actually more the norm than babies sleeping through the night by 6 months old? Who knows. I like to think this is just normal - it makes it more tolerable for me:). My favorite moments with her are before nap times and bed time when I rock her and nurse her and she cuddles with me and falls asleep (because she is moving non-stop the rest of the day:)). Seeing how quickly Jackson has become a "big boy," I know that these moments will be gone before I know it. So I just study her face and soak in her scent and pray that I can somehow remember these moments when she is bigger. I just look at her in sheer awe. What an amazing blessing she is.

Well, I guess that's enough for now about our precious "Addy pants." I asked her today if she wouldn't mind just staying my little baby forever. Jason wasn't a fan (he, like most daddies, is looking forward to the older stages:)). I honestly can't imagine loving her ANY more than I do right now, so I just want to freeze time and cherish every second with my baby girl. I hope she knows, on some level, how very much I love her. It actually hurts to think about it, I love her that much. Happy 8 months, my sweet girl. We love you more than words could ever express.

We Love Grandmas

We have been so blessed to have two of our babies' grandmas visit them recently. We live far away from our families, and the hardest part of that distance is knowing my babies do not know their families. I never had a special grandma or grandpa growing up, but Jason did (does). And I know how magical it can be for some kids. I want that for my kids. There is a special love that only grandmas can have for their grandchildren. I want my babies to feel that. They deserve it. I see other children around me with grandmas tripping over themselves to be with them and I crave that for my babies. They deserve to have more people than just mommy and daddy who think they are the best thing EVER. For now, we are just lucky that their grandmas choose to take their precious time and money to come and see them. Jackson and Addison are so lucky to have these 2 amazing grandmas - GiGi (Grandma Gail, Jason's mom) and Nana (my mom). When they are around, my babies are the center of their universe. I love watching that. You can see why...

Getting a "car ride" from GiGi - it is exhausting work but GiGi would do it for him all day long if he wanted.

At the pool. Two gorgeous girls:).

Another fun day at the pool with Nana. This picture reminds me of pictures of me as a baby with my mom.

Center of her universe, right there.

Love in a picture.

I also love to have the historical perspective when the grandmas are around. They tell us about how we were when we were babies, how much our babies are like us or not like us, and what worked and didn't work for them. Becoming a parent is such a magical time - sharing it with our moms is a blessing. Maybe one day we will be closer to them. Until then, we treasure the time they spend with us, and our two little miracles.

Well, helloooo, Attitude!

Jackson has hit an interesting stage. One I do not like one bit. Tonight, I had told him "no" about something and then he turned around and tried to walk away but fell and bumped his head. He got mad. Like, HOLY COW mad! He was screaming and I immediately scooped him up like I normally do. And he looked at me with these angry eyes and hit me in the face. And pulled away. And screamed some more. He was so mad...at ME! I couldn't comfort him. He has been having fleeting moments of anger with us when we take something away or tell him "no," but the pure anger (and it felt like hate!) in his eyes tonight and the high pitched screaming was unbelievable. I finally put him down and tickled him a little and he snapped out of it. But wow. I was shaken to the core. My son has begun the important developmental task of learning that mommy can be good and bad. And I don't like watching him figure that out. Breaks my heart.

Jackson is sensitive - to put it lightly. He is SO happy when he is happy. But if he is sad or angry, those emotions are BIG too. I know that he will always need support in regulating his emotions. They just take over and he seems unable to control them when they feel so big for him. So I know that this new realization that he can be mad at mommy is really affecting him. He's having a hard time with it.

And I'm having a hard time with it, too. He has begun to hit for attention and in anger. He is rough with Addison. And he does things he knows he's not supposed to just to get a reaction from us. So, while he is working on his developmental task, I am working on my own - how to stay calm and accept myself when I am not liking my 1 year old very much. I know it's not the "nice mommy" thing to say, but it's true. For that brief moment, anger ripped through my body. He hit me, and his eyes showed the anger behind that violence! But he is only one, and he is my baby, and we figured it out. But I can't help but feel guilty that I didn't like him very much in that moment.

This mommy stuff is hard. I thought the baby stage was hard, but today was my wake up call - it's all hard. It's also all rewarding.