Jackson is sensitive - to put it lightly. He is SO happy when he is happy. But if he is sad or angry, those emotions are BIG too. I know that he will always need support in regulating his emotions. They just take over and he seems unable to control them when they feel so big for him. So I know that this new realization that he can be mad at mommy is really affecting him. He's having a hard time with it.
And I'm having a hard time with it, too. He has begun to hit for attention and in anger. He is rough with Addison. And he does things he knows he's not supposed to just to get a reaction from us. So, while he is working on his developmental task, I am working on my own - how to stay calm and accept myself when I am not liking my 1 year old very much. I know it's not the "nice mommy" thing to say, but it's true. For that brief moment, anger ripped through my body. He hit me, and his eyes showed the anger behind that violence! But he is only one, and he is my baby, and we figured it out. But I can't help but feel guilty that I didn't like him very much in that moment.
This mommy stuff is hard. I thought the baby stage was hard, but today was my wake up call - it's all hard. It's also all rewarding.