Monday, October 3, 2011

Well, helloooo, Attitude!

Jackson has hit an interesting stage. One I do not like one bit. Tonight, I had told him "no" about something and then he turned around and tried to walk away but fell and bumped his head. He got mad. Like, HOLY COW mad! He was screaming and I immediately scooped him up like I normally do. And he looked at me with these angry eyes and hit me in the face. And pulled away. And screamed some more. He was so ME! I couldn't comfort him. He has been having fleeting moments of anger with us when we take something away or tell him "no," but the pure anger (and it felt like hate!) in his eyes tonight and the high pitched screaming was unbelievable. I finally put him down and tickled him a little and he snapped out of it. But wow. I was shaken to the core. My son has begun the important developmental task of learning that mommy can be good and bad. And I don't like watching him figure that out. Breaks my heart.

Jackson is sensitive - to put it lightly. He is SO happy when he is happy. But if he is sad or angry, those emotions are BIG too. I know that he will always need support in regulating his emotions. They just take over and he seems unable to control them when they feel so big for him. So I know that this new realization that he can be mad at mommy is really affecting him. He's having a hard time with it.

And I'm having a hard time with it, too. He has begun to hit for attention and in anger. He is rough with Addison. And he does things he knows he's not supposed to just to get a reaction from us. So, while he is working on his developmental task, I am working on my own - how to stay calm and accept myself when I am not liking my 1 year old very much. I know it's not the "nice mommy" thing to say, but it's true. For that brief moment, anger ripped through my body. He hit me, and his eyes showed the anger behind that violence! But he is only one, and he is my baby, and we figured it out. But I can't help but feel guilty that I didn't like him very much in that moment.

This mommy stuff is hard. I thought the baby stage was hard, but today was my wake up call - it's all hard. It's also all rewarding.


  1. Wow that does sound hard. You poor thing.
    Thanks for sharing honestly though!!!!
    I hope it gets better!

  2. yes it's all hard :) I think as time goes by we'll see the baby stage as the easy part :)

  3. girl, I totally understand this stage and get ready, I don't think it ends anytime soon!

    2.5 brings and even crazier stage of anger in my intense little guy and it is very hurtful. Just really enjoy the lovey cuddly moments!!

  4. We have the same thing going on around here! Paisley gets really frustrated or angry at me and she'll squeeze my head between her tiny fists as hard as she can. The whole time she has the most evil little look on her face and she makes this crazy growl noise. It might be cute if it wasn't so crazy!

  5. Mine is not at the hate stage but she is already at the anger stage. Asha has both scratched and slapped me in the face multiple times and she is only 11.5 months old. And I have to admit, it takes me a second to curb my anger. I try mostly to calmly remove her hand and say, "Hitting is bad. No hitting." But if she persists (which she does), I put her down and walk away. Then I try to redirect her to something else. I am dreading the day redirection will not work.

  6. I take my toddler's hand when this happens and hold it while I have her rub my face (or the face of the person she hit), and I say "gentle, gentle, gentle..." very slowly, in a soothing tone. This is to teach her how to touch gently. When she touches gently, including in this practice exercise after a little offense, she gets high praise (e.g. "Good girl, Marguerite! You are so gentle. I am so proud of you." Hugs and kisses.) It seems to help. :)

  7. You summed it up hard yet so rewarding!