Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Coffe Ain't Cuttin' It

I know I have been a bad blogger. In my defense, I have 2 very needy babies. And I've been sick for about 2 months on and off. Can't seem to get well before the next wave of yuckiness takes over my body. It's awful. Which brings me to my blog subject today - sleep, or my lack of it. I am so very tired. Addison just won't sleep well. She has always been up 2 times a night, and that has been hard enough. Recently she has had a cold and sometimes won't go back to sleep. So we are up for an hour or two in the middle of the night and that is just for one feeding. And then, to top it off, the last few days, she has gotten up not once, not twice but THREE times! It is pretty much every 2 hours. I usually get one 3 hour chunk all night and the rest of my chunks are 1-2 hours. It's not enough. No wonder I can't get well.

I am starting to wonder if she is not getting enough milk at night. She nurses pretty quickly and continues sucking like she wants more, not just the sucking for comfort. She has been crying more when I put her down to bed, too. So last night I made up a bottle of breastmilk with 2 teaspoons of rice cereal in it (she won't eat cereal so I can't spoon feed it). It was the first bottle I have given her since she was a newborn and needed me to supplement. I figured she'd refuse it. I decided to try and give her a bottle and then nurse and see how it went. The good news is she sucked down the bottle, had a full nursing session, and went to sleep pretty easily. The bad news is she was still up 3 times - 12:30am, 2:30am and 5:30am. It was miserable. But, again, she doesn't seem to get a lot of milk in those midnight feedings. Has anyone else had your milk supply just diminish around 9 or 10 months? I am taking domperidone still, but I'm wondering if it's not working anymore. When I pump during the day at work, I get about 5 oz. I used to get 6-9oz. So maybe my body is getting ready to wean her?

And if that's the case, I'm going to have a serious cry. I'm not ready to let go. I'm not ready for her to wean. I get only one shot at this and I want this closeness with her for as long as possible. She's already mere months away from becoming a toddler. My heart can't take losing the breastfeeding relationship too. My plan was to nurse her into her second year, even if just at night before bed. I should know that plans don't always work out by now. But every time I think of not nursing her anymore, my heart hurts and I start to well up. I'm not ready.

But I am tired. So I am going to try the bottle before nursing and increase the amount a little each night to see if that helps. Any other ideas are seriously welcomed. I'm exhausted, but I'm also terrified that this means nursing could come to an end sooner rather than later. Please tell me this is not the case!

Since I have been a bad blogger (well, I do read and comment like crazy, so not THAT bad!), here is a sneak peak at upcoming blogs:

Jackson visited his birthmom again!
Jackson's birthfather is coming to visit Jackson this weekend and he is bringing his parents who haven't met him yet - big stuff!
I am writing a piece on infant mental health and adoption for a professional newsletter. When it is done, I will post here.
Christmas with babies is by far the most amazing way to celebrate this holiday. I'm lovin' it!
And Addison turns 10 months old this week!

So much to write about, so little time:). Thanks to those of you who are still reading and sticking with me, if you are out there!


  1. Oh man, I can relate to being tired! I am sure it will only get worse once I have the second sweetie pie! You are a fabulous mommy for what you are doing. Your babies are lucky to have you!

    Is there anyone who could take care of the babies for a night? A grandma, husband, sister, etc? I had my husband get up with Jason on Sat. night and it did me a world of good to get a solid nights sleep. :)

  2. Ok I had to test because I wrote you this long response and it wouldn't let me post. Anyway I said I feel you on the sickness. I have been battling a cold for about a month. It's hard to take care of yourself when your babies come first. As far as the milk supply I have no advice. I'm just thinking about you. I remember crying for weeks when making the decision to stop. I still sometimes tear up now knowing I could still be having that experience with them. I hope things turn out your way. You deserve it.

  3. I'm still here! :) You poor girl(s). You both need some sleep! How about just breastfeeding during the day and then bottle/cereal at night...so maybe she's fuller and sleeps longer? Plus, I think your mental and physical health could benefit for a few more hours of sleep. So I dont think that means you have to end nursing, just maybe do it during the day? Obviously, I'm talking from experience, but just thought I'd throw my 2 cents in haha Wow, a lot of great stuff coming up! Can't wait to read your article. My friend E from the blog manymanymoons is adopting a baby boy! She might be interested in it :) I'm sure xmas is going to be AMAZING with your lil ones :)

  4. Sorry your having a hard time. I hope you can get some rest asap.

  5. First of all, I am sorry you are having a tough time. That all sounds really frustrating and you are doing a great job! It is rare for milk supply to suddenly drastically drop from what I know but there can be hormonal drops. Women often experience a drop right before they get their period. I don't know if that could be the case with you. I think it would be worth talking to a lactation consultant about the problems you are having. They know how to troubleshoot and may be able to think of something that you or someone on the outside wouldn't. I will say your pumping output is not a reflection of your supply so don't think that. As our bodies adjust our breasts get "smarter" and often do not perform for a pump. I was never able to pump more than an ounce or two but I know my son is/was getting more than that. Also, if you start giving a bottle regularly at night, it may negatively impact your supply because your body will adjust to the change and stop making milk at those times. I really hope you can figure out something that works for you because it sounds like you are not ready to stop breastfeeding, which I completely understand. I plan on continuing to nurse my son for quite a while and I know I will be sad when it ends. If you want to continue, I really do recommend talking to a professional. It can be costly but it is worth it in my opinion.

  6. Hang in there Faith, I know you will get through this. I agree, our babies are growing up WAY too fast!!!

  7. I was really devastated when the time came (at 10 months) to stop nursing Paisley. She had bigger needs than I could feel and our pediatrician wanted her on whole milk for some weight gain. But honestly, it was kind-of a relief after about 2 days. I realized how much it freed me up to do other things and sleep more and be ME again. You've done amazing and you'll still be just as close. :)

  8. Good to hear from you! I hope she doesn't give up the nursing!! ((hugs)) for you!!
    and very exciting about the piece you are writing! I can't wait to read it!