Coffe Ain't Cuttin' It

I know I have been a bad blogger. In my defense, I have 2 very needy babies. And I've been sick for about 2 months on and off. Can't seem to get well before the next wave of yuckiness takes over my body. It's awful. Which brings me to my blog subject today - sleep, or my lack of it. I am so very tired. Addison just won't sleep well. She has always been up 2 times a night, and that has been hard enough. Recently she has had a cold and sometimes won't go back to sleep. So we are up for an hour or two in the middle of the night and that is just for one feeding. And then, to top it off, the last few days, she has gotten up not once, not twice but THREE times! It is pretty much every 2 hours. I usually get one 3 hour chunk all night and the rest of my chunks are 1-2 hours. It's not enough. No wonder I can't get well.

I am starting to wonder if she is not getting enough milk at night. She nurses pretty quickly and continues sucking like she wants more, not just the sucking for comfort. She has been crying more when I put her down to bed, too. So last night I made up a bottle of breastmilk with 2 teaspoons of rice cereal in it (she won't eat cereal so I can't spoon feed it). It was the first bottle I have given her since she was a newborn and needed me to supplement. I figured she'd refuse it. I decided to try and give her a bottle and then nurse and see how it went. The good news is she sucked down the bottle, had a full nursing session, and went to sleep pretty easily. The bad news is she was still up 3 times - 12:30am, 2:30am and 5:30am. It was miserable. But, again, she doesn't seem to get a lot of milk in those midnight feedings. Has anyone else had your milk supply just diminish around 9 or 10 months? I am taking domperidone still, but I'm wondering if it's not working anymore. When I pump during the day at work, I get about 5 oz. I used to get 6-9oz. So maybe my body is getting ready to wean her?

And if that's the case, I'm going to have a serious cry. I'm not ready to let go. I'm not ready for her to wean. I get only one shot at this and I want this closeness with her for as long as possible. She's already mere months away from becoming a toddler. My heart can't take losing the breastfeeding relationship too. My plan was to nurse her into her second year, even if just at night before bed. I should know that plans don't always work out by now. But every time I think of not nursing her anymore, my heart hurts and I start to well up. I'm not ready.

But I am tired. So I am going to try the bottle before nursing and increase the amount a little each night to see if that helps. Any other ideas are seriously welcomed. I'm exhausted, but I'm also terrified that this means nursing could come to an end sooner rather than later. Please tell me this is not the case!

Since I have been a bad blogger (well, I do read and comment like crazy, so not THAT bad!), here is a sneak peak at upcoming blogs:

Jackson visited his birthmom again!

Jackson's birthfather is coming to visit Jackson this weekend and he is bringing his parents who haven't met him yet - big stuff!

I am writing a piece on infant mental health and adoption for a professional newsletter. When it is done, I will post here.

Christmas with babies is by far the most amazing way to celebrate this holiday. I'm lovin' it!

And Addison turns 10 months old this week!

So much to write about, so little time:). Thanks to those of you who are still reading and sticking with me, if you are out there!