Saturday, April 14, 2012

I'm Just Sayin'

I just feel the need to post about something because it's been popping up for me lately, and usually if I write it, it goes away! I want to preface this entire post by stating that I AM HAPPY. I am not complaining and very few moments go by without me recognizing my many blessings in this life.

Ok, all of that said, I am finding myself getting a little jealous (if that's really the word?) of moms with only one baby or one baby and one older child lately. I wonder if jealous is really the word because I don't get all snippy and bitter and angry. I just kind of look at them and wish I could do what they can do. Like, if I had only one, I would hop on a plane with him or her and head to Michigan to visit my family. I work part time and I could do it. But not with two. Not now, not ever. I would die! And I miss my family so much. I desperately want them to know my kids. Or, like, going to the park. It is absolutely impossible for one adult to go with 2 toddlers to the park, the mall, the pool....really anywhere. One toddler heads one way, the other inevitably goes the other. One climbs up on the climber (which is up high and not safe at all) and the other wants to explore the other end of the park. There has to ALWAYS be 2 adults. I want to be able to get up and go when one wakes up from a nap - but, alas, the other one isn't up. I just want to be more free.

With Jason's schedule the way it is, I haven't had to feel too cooped up. But, his shift is changing after 2 years, and I am facing the reality that I will be left alone with my 2 munchkins the majority of every day and night. I signed the babies up for kindermusic classes and have had to begin asking friends to come with me, because we aren't sure Jason can go with his new shift and there has to be one adult to one child. I want to do swimming lessons, but again, who will go with me? I have no family here. So now what? It's like every little thing that I see other moms doing takes an incredible amount of planning...and then begging other people to go with me. Jason was out of town 2 weekends ago and I desperately wanted the babies to be able to go to the Easter event at the mall...so I begged someone to go with me. I find myself feeling so guilty, and I try to rotate who I beg. I hate having to rely on other people. But I want my babies to be able to do anything they would have been able to do if there had only been one of them. I don't want our decision to have them so close together to take away from their experiences. Oh yes...there it is. Here is what is behind it all - good 'ole mommy guilt. So, I guess jealous wasn't the world. Guilt was.

I assume this gets better as they get older. At some point, I should be able to take them out without needing one adult per child. But I am guessing that is still out in the future somewhere. I just need to make peace with the fact that this is what we chose, this is our life, and it is a GOOD life. Maybe my babies can't go as many places as other babies. But they have a perfect little playmate at home, and they will always have that in each other. I have to let go of my need to go out and do so much. Or I have to suck it up and keep begging. This definitely isn't the way I imagined motherhood. Maybe that's why I get a little bit jealous. The way those moms are doing it is the way I imagined motherhood would be for me. I would pop my baby in the car seat and we'd head out to the park whenever we wanted. S/he and I would be carefree and would be able to really enjoy each other's presence. As it is now, most outings become chaotic and stressful as I struggle to stay on top of two toddlers' demands before one or the other, or both, melt down. It just isn't how I imagined it to be. It's not bad, it's just hard.

Ok, so now it's out there. I apologize if it sounds like I am complaining. I'm really not. These 2 beautiful children bring me an immense amount of joy every day. Sometimes, I just get tired. And wonder what it would be like to have children ONE at a time, lol!

14 comments:

  1. I can imagine how hard it is chasing after two toddlers! I dont blame you for feeling like that. Any chance of moving back home near family in the future? Or family moving near you? Im nervous about even going out places with ONE baby hahah

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  2. I think many more people are in the same boat than you realize, and most make the best of it. I have twins..they are 13 months old....and I get out with them every single day to do something. I just choose where based on my needs. Our local library has a really nice under 3 room that is is gated so they can't get away from me. Open fields (large ones) with a ball are safe and a huge hit...and we have many fenced in playgrounds around here.

    It can be done!

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    1. Thanks, Missy! I guess I should have also said that I'm in a small community without a lot of options of things to do. Even the mall play area is TINY and has no gate - so I can't even go there because they take off, lol! And our library has no under 3 room. None of our playgrounds are fenced. So, I do feel at a loss as to where to bring them a lot where they can be safe!

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  3. awh, if it makes you feel better, i always get jealous of people who are getting pregnant right now and joining the "two under two club". THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER!!

    you are awesome and life will only get better as they get bigger. HUGS!

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  4. Story of my life!! We do go out a lot and it is hard...I'm exhausted afterwards. When you told me life with two would be hard, I didn't believe it would be this hard.

    I too want to visit family in Chicago and I can't imagine going alone with the two of them. It sucks!! :(

    But like you said, they have a built in best friend and there is so much love to go around!

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  5. And guilt...I feel that too especially when they both want to be cuddled and loved. I give them plenty of love but it costs me, it costs me any time I would have to myself. I'm stretched thin at times.

    But if given the chance, I would do it all over again. But I'm crazy!!

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  6. That must be hard. I'm sure yu want to do more for and with them. But from their perspective, they look like happy well adjusted kids!!!!
    Sorry about his shift change that will be hard.

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  7. I have 4 toddlers and it can be done. It is exhausting but it can be done! And you're right it does get easier as they get older. Right now they're 5,4,3 and 2 and the 2 year old is just now learning to not run away from me. It does get easier mama. I don't have anyone other than my husband either so I completely understand! Hugs!

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  8. Here's the good news for having your kids so close together is that when they finally do get easier to take places- they'll both get that way quickly. I feel like Paisley is starting to get a bit easier, but now we're adding a newborn. And the cycle starts over....

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  9. I am sorry you are feeling so stressed! I have 3...1, 3, 5 years old. With just two kids I found it impossible to go anywhere when they were 1 and 3 and 2 and 4. Then we added another one. It was great until she started moving. I also don't go some places without another person. They will grow out of it and get better at listening to you and understanding the need to stay near and not run. BUT it's a ways off. What about hiring a middle school student or high school student to come over/meet you somewhere 1-2 times a week for a couple of hours? You could plan 2 places and a couple of hours and do it pretty inexpensive. hang in there...their lives are a blessing but it's ok to get frustrated!

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  10. I have no family either Faith and adding a second terrifies me for the same reason. Especially because #1 is so high energy. I do not know hoe you do it. But this is where you are lucky: when I take Asha anywhere, she wants to play with other kids. She will try to make them play with her (even 5 or 6 year olds) and then walk around after them wondering why they won't. It makes me sad. Most of her tantrums start with boredom because no matter how much I try, I cannot play with her from 6am-9pm. So they are lucky to have each other. They don't need outside activities as much. I would love that for Asha.

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  11. Oh girl. I so feel your pain/frustration/guilt on this one. When they were babies it was easy to take them places by myself. Now it is near impossible. We haven't even converted car seats because I don't even know how you get two babies out at the same time lol. I do feel like my boys are missing out on fun things sometimes because of this. I have to say that I do have family for help most of the times though. I'm sorry that that isn't available right now and this is putting you in such a "guilty" place. But we do have built in play buddies and it will get easier one day! Hang in there.

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  12. Faith... I feel the same way and totally see where you're coming from! I can't do anything with two 22mo olds and a 3mo old. I can't even go to the supermarket. I feel trapped too! We dont have family around either and all if my friends work full time. I am envious of those w one baby or two who are at an age where you can go to the park w/o worrying abt one running off. One of the reasons I can't wait to get the twins in daycare, but it saddens me that while I'm on maternity leave we can't do much but hang out in our tiny house. So just want u to know you're not alone!!!

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  13. Faith, I have an understanding of what its like to wrangle 2 toddlers at once. I remember the first time I thought it was a good idea to take the twin 2 year olds to the park. One made it half way up the steps of a very tall and unsafe slide while the other was trying to escape to the dog area of the park. The other parents came to the rescue but that was the last time I attempted a trip to the park without another adult. It was a LOT easier to take the 3 & 4 year old girls out. But still felt like more than twice as much work as it would have been to only take one child out. This time I can assure you that it does get easier. It really should, and I think that you will find that you can take them both to Michigan before you know it.

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