We got a letter from the birthmom again today. She is so sweet. She and I are so much alike, to the point that the birthdad read my letter and told her that we are the same person and she could have written it herself! I cracked up.
Anyway, she informed me that the appellate court has made a ruling as of July 15 and it is now in her original judge's hands. The judge has 30 days to make a final ruling....so a decision could be made as late as August 15, and baby girl is due August 23rd, and may come early. So, we may literally not know until right before, or right after, the baby is born. Hence, my numb feelings. There is a big part of me that SO very much wants her to get the decision she desires. She is an incredible person, and she deserves to parent her baby. There is another part of me that has already fallen in love with baby girl. Our family is already preparing for her. How can we help it? We have to start our bonding process, so that if she does come home to us, we have begun that for her. But, how do we protect our hearts?
I don't have any answers. I can't calm our family and ease their minds, I can't even calm mine! With so much opportunity for happiness, comes so much opportunity for loss. I will never understand why becoming parents has had to be so damn hard for us. Why does every baby that is dangled in front of us have to carry the expectation of pain to come? And then, the age old question that I have been asking myself for 3 years now....why us? Why me?
I really hope and pray I can get out of this funk. We were blessed to be chosen, and this could lead us to our baby girl. I need to stay in that place until I am given a reason to not be there anymore. I guess that's easier said than done.
Faith,I wish I knew why this has to be so hard. All I can tell you is it seems that you have done a great job of staying rational, and reasonable, through ALL of this and I know its not easy, but I think you are handling everything with as much grace and poise as anyone possibly could.
ReplyDeletethinking of you.
I wish I could say something to make you feel better. I wish I could tell you what the judge will decide. And I wish I could tell you why you ( why us, for that matter too)? But I can't. I can't answer any of those questions. All I can tell you is that you have a great husband, you have an amazing family, and a great support system of friends on here. You will get through this. Whether or not this is your baby girl or not, you will.
ReplyDelete*hugs*
Lots of thoughts coming your way!
I am in such awe of how well you are handling this situation. I know it is beyond hard and you feel riddled with questions and doubt, but you are truly a picture of grace and, well, faith! We have a potential adoption situation, too - also a girl and due Aug 24! The similarities are stunning! I am just praying that we have peace and trust as we wait, knowing God is in control!
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine your feelings Faith. It's a tough situation to be in. You are handling this situation with so much grace. I guess however it goes is the way it is supposed to go and know that you will be a mom. If this is the way that God wants you to be a mom, then we will all celebrate with you! If it's not, then we will be sad with you. But, God has that perfect baby picked out for you. Thinking about you daily and praying! HUGS!!!
ReplyDeleteFaith, I can't even imagine how you are feeling right now. You are an amazing person and I give you tons of credit for being so put-together throughout the last three years. I'm praying for you and I hope everything works out. You give me lots of hope for my future too.
ReplyDeleteYou so deserve to prepare for and love this baby....at the same time, protecting your hearts is a priority too. It's a difficult balance. Your second to last sentence summed it up very well and demonstrates that you have a good attitude about the situation. Hang in there. I'm hoping for you!
ReplyDelete