Friday, May 28, 2010


My immune system has failed me lately. I had strep throat two weeks ago, and it was AWFUL! There are no words to describe how painful it was. Then, yesterday, I ended up with a stomach bug that has been going around the office. It hit me in the gut, literally, and the last two days have been tough.

I realized that I hadn't been sick in a long time, and I didn't get either of these illnesses last year. What in the world is going on? A perceptive friend sent me a text with one word..."Stress..."

I thought the same thing. At first. But, honestly, my job has been under control. I mean, I work more than 40 hours as usual, but it feels do-able. I do not feel pressure from too many directions as I have in the past. I'm doing things for myself, like yoga, pedicures and walks with the dogs. So, how is the stress getting to me?

It came to me that the stress that is affecting me is not overt. It is the kind of implicit stress, going on under the surface, that wreaks havoc on your immune system while you are (seemingly) moving on normally with your days.

In simple words: this wait is KILLING me! I know, I know, friends and family can tell me over and over again that "it has only been two months" (and two weeks for those of us counting:). But, let me make one thing clear: I have not been waiting for a baby for two months. I have been waiting to have my baby since the day I could consciously think about my life. I have been realistically waiting to have my baby since the day I married my husband, which will be eight years ago in two months. I have been trying with everything I have to bring my precious baby home for 2.5 years. So, yes, we have been on the waiting list for 2.5 months. But, in reality, my wait, my agony, has been much longer.

Is it any wonder that my immune system is struggling? I spend every day trying (internally) to balance my desire to live in the present and enjoy every day with my intense anticipation of the joy that I know is waiting for me in my tomorrows. Apparently, that takes a lot of energy.


  1. Sorry you are sick, honey! Boo hiss to that! Sorry the stress is kicking your butt! I can only imagine how tough the waiting is! But, the bonus to this waiting? It is only a matter of WHEN! When you're TTCing, it's always IF. But you and your husband have so much to offer a baby! And it won't be long until a birth mother sees that!

    Feel better, Punkin!

  2. Faith, Thank you for your comment on my blog. I am so excited to share this journey with you. Im sorry you have to be burdoned with the sad parts of adoption. It was hard for me to because I knew that although it was one of the sadest moments for me, it was the happiest moment for them. It was uncomfortable at times because I knew that my sadness made them sad. Im just that way. I saved a lot of my pain for when they were gone. Although it was painful, It was happy for all of us because we all were able to experience this beautiful new life. Life brings its sadness and THANK GOD the good times outweigh the bad.
    Hugs to you! And heres to you becoming a mommy very very soon!!!!

  3. oh girl i hear you, it's eating me up too right now! we'll get there though! hope you are feeling better!

  4. Hi! I just found your blog and I wanted you to invite you to check out mine! I also live in AZ and used the same agency to adopt my 14 month old. I look forward to following your story!


  5. Im sorry your immune system has been a bit undermined. I can totally relate of course. Strep throat is the worst! not really all that common in adults. I had my tonsils removed at 29 for frequent infections and that was AWFUL. dont ever let them do that to you , that is if you still have tonsils. most people our age do.

    All I can say is that you are doing the right things by taking care of yourself, and hoping that you get your baby very very soon.


  6. That is the suckiest suck that ever sucked (to quote Homer Simpson) to have to be so sick in such quick succession! I hope you are up and feeling 100% soon :)

    I'm so glad you pointed out that just because you've only been waiting for 2.5 months to be chosen by an expectant family that it has NOT been the extent of of your waiting. I too was ready to get knocked up the moment I said, "I do" but my husband wasn't so I waited and waited for 4 years before we even started ttc. By the time River was born I had been waiting 6 years (between 1/4 and 1/5 of my life) to be a mother and it was agonizing. Most people don't recognize or give us credit for that though and it hurts.

    Praying daily that your waiting is soon over!