I realized that I hadn't been sick in a long time, and I didn't get either of these illnesses last year. What in the world is going on? A perceptive friend sent me a text with one word..."Stress..."
I thought the same thing. At first. But, honestly, my job has been under control. I mean, I work more than 40 hours as usual, but it feels do-able. I do not feel pressure from too many directions as I have in the past. I'm doing things for myself, like yoga, pedicures and walks with the dogs. So, how is the stress getting to me?
It came to me that the stress that is affecting me is not overt. It is the kind of implicit stress, going on under the surface, that wreaks havoc on your immune system while you are (seemingly) moving on normally with your days.
In simple words: this wait is KILLING me! I know, I know, friends and family can tell me over and over again that "it has only been two months" (and two weeks for those of us counting:). But, let me make one thing clear: I have not been waiting for a baby for two months. I have been waiting to have my baby since the day I could consciously think about my life. I have been realistically waiting to have my baby since the day I married my husband, which will be eight years ago in two months. I have been trying with everything I have to bring my precious baby home for 2.5 years. So, yes, we have been on the waiting list for 2.5 months. But, in reality, my wait, my agony, has been much longer.
Is it any wonder that my immune system is struggling? I spend every day trying (internally) to balance my desire to live in the present and enjoy every day with my intense anticipation of the joy that I know is waiting for me in my tomorrows. Apparently, that takes a lot of energy.