Monday, March 1, 2010

Another Birthday

Well, I am 30 today. Thirty and childless. Wow, hard to believe. I have always wanted children so badly...I can't believe I am THIRTY without them. I just keep clinging to the desperate hope that next year I will be celebrating with my baby in my arms (I hoped that last year, too, but here we are). Please pray for me that by next year, my prayers are answered. I'm not sure how many more birthdays I can tolerate with empty arms.

That is always my first thought on every birthday...what I don't have. But, today, I have other thoughts, too. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I am blessed. I was literally inundated with calls, texts, emails, cards, gifts and birthday wishes today. And, the best part was it seemed everyone knew the wish of my heart. They wrote things like "Hoping this year is the magic year you are waiting for" and "Hoping this year brings you all you are dreaming of." The infertiles of the world often struggle with what to share about our journey, because it is so sensitive and personal, and because the smallest "wrong" comment can send us over the edge. But, I have chosen to be open, to not be ashamed of my empty womb, and to allow others to love me and support me through this difficult time in my life. And people do! They take the opportunity to literally shower me with warm wishes. My heart is so full from the kindness of others. Today was a reminder of just how many people touch my life, and how many people are out there who love me and want only good things for me. I feel like the richest woman in the world!

So, tonight, we had a little party. My gorgeous nieces absolutely LOVE to come over and wish me happy birthday, bring me homemade cards, and eat brownies and ice cream. They are happy because I am happy on my special day. I love them so much, I'm afraid my heart will burst. They make every birthday worth celebrating - without them, I probably wouldn't celebrate at all. And that is the joy of children - they manage to make every day joyful. I am so thankful that their mom and dad raised them to love us, to consider us family. It is truly my honor to be their aunt.

As usual, today is another day to grieve, and another day to celebrate. It is so weird to always be on that fence. I have to choose which way I want to go each day. Today, I choose celebration! I have the best friends, family and co-workers that any girl could ever ask for. That is something I never want to take for granted. Happy Birthday to Me!


  1. HAPPY BIRTHDAY FAITH!!! Welcome to Club 3-0, I'm a new(ish) member myself! Great post...I hope this is the year for both of our dreams to come true!

    Sounds like you had a fun party! Today is actually my niece's bday too... :)

  2. Happy Birthday sweetheart! Sounds like you had a blessed day and I know you will have a BLESSED YEAR! I'm praying your 31st birthday will be celebrated with your beautiful child!

    I can't wait to see you in April!

  3. Happy Birthday! I'm glad that you got so much love from so many people!

    I think birthdays and major holidays are always a huge reminder of what we don't have. But I am so happy to see you looking at the positive as's all we can do sometimes!

  4. Happy Birthday Faith. I know special occasions are always difficult but enjoy the day!!! I hope by this time next year, you are celebrating with your own little one. I will be 33 this year - trying to avoid that thought entirely!!! I hope this is the best year of your life and makes your fondest wish come true.

  5. Happy Birthday, Faith! We are both 1980 babies :) I will hit the big 3-0 in April.

    Cheers to this momentus year bringing you many wonderful blessings, first a foremost being your child!!


  6. Oh! Happy Birthday Faith!! Thirty is STILL very young! (It's the new 20- havent you heard??) =D

    I'm a 1981 baby.. so I'm not too far behind ya!I have a feeling that this time next year.. you will be posting about how your 30th year was your BEST year so far! =)

    Love you sweet Faith.

    XOXO God's blessings...

  7. I'm a day late, but Hapy Birthday. I'm glad you had a day where you could choose celebration. I know how hard it is these days to go that route. That is the best part of this journey though is the friendships you gain and you can really tell how many people are pulling for you in life.

  8. Happy Birthday! I hope it was a wonderful day!

  9. Happy Birthday... I am 31 and now that I'm in my "early 30's" its like feeling young again! There are also a lot of freedoms that come with being 30... I think you start ot give yourself permission to be a little stronger... its liberating in some sense.
    I thought it was very interesting how you commented about how every day you have to make a choice of which side of the fence to jump off of... I too have started to realize that the pain of infertility does not fade but requires a choice to be made each day. I'm glad you chose to have a good day... That in itself takes strength because it is much easier to choose to give into the pain sometimes... I'm thinking of you and hoping for the best for your next year.

  10. Came across your blog today and wanted to say hey! I am friends with J from baby wanted! I have a daughter who is 6 that we adopted from birth! Adoption is beautiful!! Wishing you the best on your journey to parenthood!