Saturday, April 24, 2010


I had a meltdown today, and try not to laugh when I tell you the reason for this complete loss of composure. Remember how we had half a dresser? Well, I decided we should at least finish the dresser this weekend. I immediately looked at the instructions and the hardware and became frustrated with it (surprise, surprise) and Jason continued on. In the hand-over of the task, I did not show him the screws that went with the hinges. So, he used the longer screws. And, they went through the side of the dresser and broke the wood. That was it. I was having an okay day, and then I wasn't. My stomach was sick, and I was actually in tears...because there were two (very small) imperfections on the side of my baby's dresser.

Nope. I'm not kidding.

So, being the reflective person I am, as I am sick to my stomach and crying, I am thinking "What is this really about, Faith? It can't seriously be about the dresser." And the answer was pretty clear.

We tried to conceive a baby, and the process was anything but perfect. Many people enjoy a night of passion, and boom, a life is created. Instead, we got pills, shots, surgeries, sperm analyses, invasive procedures, and years of disappointment, rage and incredible sadness. Not so perfect.

We got pregnant. That process went south within 12 weeks, both times. While most women go in for their ultrasounds, high on life, ready to see that beautiful life they created, I went into ultrasounds, heart pounding, palms sweating, getting myself ready for my world to be rocked. And it was. Twice. Again, it doesn't get any less perfect than that.

So, is it too much to freakin' ask that my baby furniture does not have holes in it where they shouldn't be?! My God. I mean, really?

I guess what is really the most imperfect part of it all is that our baby is not warmly tucked in my arms....right now. All I have is the furniture. So doesn't it then make sense that I need that furniture to be perfect?

In case you are wondering....

Although not perfect, it is beautiful. Hmmmm.....


  1. Awww, Sisser, that sounds like something I would do!!!! Although for me it takes A LOT less to set me off,lol! I see where you could easily slip into a breakdown when all you are asking is to have a beautiful piece of furniture put together correctly and it is SO disappointing! You probably thought, eh, I guess I'm just ok today and I really want that dresser put together, it may make me feel better having it done. And, of course, like our family luck has it, THAT couldn't even turn out right, GAAAA! Gorgeous dresser, and from where I'm standing, no holes!!!lol Hang in there Sis, and smack my brother-in-law upside the head for doing that!!!

  2. Yeah.. I love that dresser! I love dark stained wood!! I'm sorry that you got upset about the imperfectness of it all. Ugh.. the word "imperfect". Somehow in my life... I have come to be best friends with that word as well! And I think that the more and more we find ourselves in an imperfect or "less than desireable" (a.k.a) "I hate my life" kind of situation.. the more we learn that it truly IS the less glittery and unattractive parts of life that make us who we are in the end. I'm one strong chick.. and so are you Faith! But, we didnt get that beloved title by sitting around sipping lemonade everyday.. we worked our butts off for that title. (You more than me!) So, be proud of your imperfect dresser, girl! Because, odd are, the ladies who have the perfect baby furniture and the perfect conceiving/birth stories.. will never understand what it means to truly, TRULY appreciate their babies like we will!

    Hang tight girlfriend! Your in the home stretch now! Just take a look back at how FAR you have come in the past 4-5 MONTHS! Amazing!!!

    God bless

    Courtney XOXO

  3. I totally get that!

    Kyle and I were talking about our nursery, and he said something about putting the computer desk and computer in there, and I was like um no! And we kind of got into it over it, and I cried. All because I just want it to be perfect! And a computer desk does not fit into my perfect little dream nursery. LoL Totally silly. And I know this, but it's just one of those things. And it's also one of the few things thta I can/have been able to control in this whole crazy thing!

  4. the dresser is beautiful. ((hugs))

  5. The dresser looks great!!! Don't fret my friend, it will all be okay...

    I get you...but you know that!!! Hang in there! :)

  6. Faith, Faith, Faith... Have I mentioned how much I love you though I've never met you IRL? When I read your posts I want to shout, "YES! YES! Someone else gets it!! And thank goodness she does such an amazing job putting it into words!"

    Hopefully one day we can meet IRL and have an "I hear you girl!" conversation over a cup of tea while our little ones chase each other around and play.

    The dresser DOES look beautiful and I think it will be a great addition to your little one's unique adoption story.

    Thank you for being so open and honest!


  7. I love ya girl and I can't wait to see you in June! I am the same way...I spend so much time making sure our baby's stuff is perfect because it is the only thing I can control. It can be frustrating and I give you credit because if it was me, I would have sent it back and said it was damaged when I receivd it! I love it...such a nice piece of baby furniture.

  8. It is beautiful, but I understand where you were coming from. Imperfections are hard to deal with sometimes, especially when they are your own.