Remembering Baby Boy E

It was two years ago today that I heard the words that changed my life. "I'm sorry, your baby does not have a heartbeat." It was two years ago today that I learned that life is unfair and cruel and that bad things do happen to good people. I always knew people said those things, but life taught me a hard lesson that day. And it did not get easier. It does for some people. They go on to get pregnant again, have healthy babies, move on in their life. And, while the pain was excruciating, I thought I would be able to do that, too. But, since that fateful day, we have experienced over 2 years (and counting) of infertility, and another loss. So, our lives were truly and fully changed on April 4, 2008. I'd like to take a moment today and remember our first child. He was a light in our lives, if only briefly.

Our only pictures of our son. At 11.5 weeks, he only measured 7.5 weeks.

How do you love a person who never got to be, Or try to envision a face you never got to see?

How do you mourn the death of one who never got to live, when there is nothing to feel good about and nothing to forgive?

I love you, my little baby, my companion of the night. Wandering through my lonely hours, beautiful and bright.

What does it mean to die before you ever were born, to live the lovely night of life but never see the dawn?

Ah! My little baby, you lived like anyone!

Life's a burst of joy and pain.

And like yours, it's done.

I love you, my little baby, just as if you'd lived for years. No more, no less, I think of you, the Angel of my tears.

-Author Unknown

Mommy loves you, my sweet angel. Godspeed, little man.