Sunday, March 14, 2010


That is really all I can say about this week..."wow." So much has happened, and we've been catapulted into the "expecting" role. It's very surreal, honestly. First, the biggest news of all - we're in the book! We officially got all our stuff to our social worker yesterday and now, my friends, it is completely out of our hands! Second, we began our registry at Babies 'R Us. Now, that was weird. Sitting there at the registry table between two women about to pop...well, it was interesting. And trying to pick out things for a baby we don't know was also difficult. Not only do we not know our baby, we don't know how or when s/he will come to us. It made registering a little less personal, and certainly not as exciting as I always imagined it to be. I couldn't even dream about the day my baby would come as we scanned things, because I couldn't even imagine how or when that would happen. So, we picked out some random things and at least felt productive in starting something. Anticlimactic is the word I would use, honestly.

I do believe, however, that I have officially entered into the world of expectant mothers, as I have had two pretty obvious "symptoms":

1. I had a very bizarre dream that pretty much included all my biggest fears about becoming a mom, as listed here: the baby will come abruptly and unexpectedly (the baby was dropped off the day after we got on the list in my dream), I won't know anything about the baby (the social worker couldn't even tell me his birthdate), I won't think the baby is cute, I won't feel connected to the baby, or feel like his mommy (it was a boy in the dream), and we will have feeding issues (in the dream, my baby kept choking and then projectile vomiting all the formula I gave him). All the little things in the back of my head surfaced in this dream. I guess it's time to deal with the anxiety that comes with expecting a baby.

2. I am literally crying about EVERYthing. If I see stories of families, of love, of children on TV, I become an emotional mess. My youngest niece greeted me at the door with my name for the first time last night and I about lost it as I kissed and hugged her. I feel so raw as I think about the day our lives will change - filled with feelings of anticipation, excitement and fear and dread over the wait. I can't even tell you what I feel at any given moment, it's that complicated. So, I cry at everything.

So, there you go. I'm expecting (kind of). It is incredibly exciting AND surprisingly terrifying all at once. I don't even have words for how that feels. I can just tell you, it is powerful.


  1. Wooooooo hoooooo!! I'm so glad that you guys have everything ready to go and now you just wait for God to place your baby in your hands! How exciting!!!!! All of the worries and fears that you are having are the exact same fears as a woman with her baby still in utero! They don't know what their baby will look like, act like, eat like, play like ect. Yet either so that's completely normal to feel that way.. And if I had to guess.. In a year from now after you've already been a mommy for awhile.. You will look back at this post and smile because you will see that you had nothing to worry about. And as much as you THINK that you will love your future baby right now.. It will be incomparible to how you feel after bonded with your baby and it has become such a major part of your life. Of course, I don't know these things first hand because I haven't adopted before but I can just imagine your emotions right now and I want you to feel comforted. :)

    I'm so so so so excited to read the post that says your baby is coming home!!!!

    So happy for you And your husband Faith. Such great parents-in-waiting!!

    God's blessings. XOXO

  2. Jason and Faith we are so proud and excited for you two. We can't wait for the day you call and tell us our new grandchild will be coming home and joining your ("our") family. You have been through so much and it is time for the two of you to have a family of more than two. (plus two four legged family members). Talking with the two of you today I could hear a" lighter" voice. THE BEST IS YET TO COME!!

    Love ya both,
    GiGi (Grandma Gail) & Pap

  3. Very excited for you! How fun to start the baby registry! Even though you don't feel like it's personal, you can add personal touches after you have your baby. :)

  4. YAYY! My Niece or Nephew is coming!!!!!! I am SO happy for you guys, words can absolutely not describe the feeling in my heart. You two will be wonderful parents! Registering was so exciting, I got right on there and already know some of the things I will be picking up! Picked something up the other day for your "Expecting Package" Yay! Nerves are good and it keeps you sharp, you have everyone's support, you can't go wrong!! Those birth parents are going to be doing arm wrestling rounds fighting over you guys!!!! Keep positive, and we love you VERY much!
    Aunt Angela and Uncle Brian

  5. Congrats on your impending mommyhood! :)

    Have fun with that registry!

  6. Congratulations!
    You deserve to feel like part of the expecting mother, because you are! It is definitely a little different since you don't know when, but you are still expecting! And that is happy news!