Our Family Christmas

We had a wonderful Christmas! It was our first Christmas as a complete family and it was perfect. Everyone was healthy and happy and able to enjoy the holiday, and that is more than I ever could have asked for! We got together with our friends and their family on Christmas Eve and had such a great time with them. Then we had a quiet day at home on Christmas Day until Jason had to go to work. We opened presents, ate lots of yummy food, played outside and watched Christmas movies. It just can't get any better than that!

I found myself wondering how life got so good so fast. Two Christmas' ago, we were grieving our second baby and wondering if the holidays would ever hold magic for us again. This year, we baked lots of holiday cookies, put out presents from Santa on Christmas Eve, watched our babies wake up to a pile of presents under the tree, enjoyed seeing them tear through wrapping, and started a few of our own traditions as a family. I just can't get over how fun this holiday is with my babies. And now the part you are probably waiting for:)...

I am LOVING dressing my little girl. Especially for special occasions:).

This was our attempt at a picture of both of them in front of the tree. Oh well, maybe next year....

The happy family!

Santa came!!

Addison's favorite gift by far. She hasn't stopped playing with this thing. She crawls back and forth through it squealing and rolling and having an absolute blast!

Jackson liked his pony!

He was so serious about the present unwrapping, it was just too cute! He could have cared less about what was inside, lol!

Santa left this outside - and Jackson LOVED it!

Seeing them together makes my heart skip a beat. Every time.

Santa gave this to them over a month ago, but it's still technically a Christmas present:).

This was my most treasured gift this year. I will never forget my first Christmas with both of my babies with me. They are my life. I love them so, so much.

Merry Christmas, everyone! I hope yours was as blessed as mine!

Adoption is incredible!

I'm very tired, but as promised, I want to tell you about some amazing visits Jackson has had with his birthfamily lately.

First, he saw his birthmom, T, a few weeks ago. He was his normal, happy and charismatic self. She had a blast running around after him and showing him off to everyone she knew there. She told other prisoners and guards, "This one is mine. I had him while I was in "x" unit." I had a minor pang when she used those words. Because he is mine. But, yes, he is hers too. He will always be ours. That is the hard part about adoption. The part I'm pretty sure a lot of adoptive parents have a hard time acknowledging. But it can also be beautiful, as I will describe later. She thanked us many times that day for taking the time and expense to go visit her and again in the letter she wrote after the visit. I just wanted to say to her..."How are you thanking me? You gave me your sweet baby boy! You deemed me good enough to be his mom. You trusted him in my arms! I will spend my whole life thanking you!" Of course, I don't say all of that, but I do tell her that she has no need to thank us, that it is very important to us that they are in each other's lives and that Jackson knows her. I hope she knows how grateful I am that she chose me. She had so many choices. And she made a good choice for my sweet boy. She put his needs first. For that I will always love her.

And then, last weekend, Jackson's birthdad, A, and his parents came to see Jackson...and Addison. It was the first time his parents had met Jackson. His mom cried when she first saw him, and again when they said goodbye. She told us he looked just like A when he was little - no surprise because he looks just like him now! They even emailed us a picture of A at Jackson's age and holy cow! That infectious smile definitely comes from A! They talked to us about how hard it was to make the decision to not take Jackson themselves. And how happy they are that he is with us. They called us a "perfect family." Oh, don't I wish. But I think they need to believe that. They brought such thoughtful and amazing gifts for both of my babies. They spoiled them really. They showed Addison just as much love and attention as they did Jackson, and that was good for my momma heart. Because of Jackson's adoption, we ALL gained another family. I have a feeling they will be a wonderful support to us and our children for many years to come. They are incredible people. Jason and I talked later and it was interesting to us that A's parents are SO much like Jason's parents. We know that A and T chose us because we were so much like them. But the similarities are striking!

There was a poignant moment when A was visiting that I don't ever want to forget. I'm not even sure anyone else noticed it. Jackson got on his turtle (and riding toy) and the base was half on the rug, half on the hard floor. It was wobbly. Both Jason and A rushed forward to adjust it and stabilize it...to keep my sweet boy safe. At that moment, I thought about how lucky Jackson is. He has FOUR people who love him as a parent would love their child. We are his parents, but his birthparents also love him intensely. And then he has all of their extended family. What a lucky boy he is. And he deserves it all. He is a fantastically brilliant, funny and engaging little boy. The sky is his limit in this life. And he has all of us behind him, ready to celebrate his successes and pick up the pieces when he gets hurt. Adoption is simply incredible.

Addison is 10 Months Old!

Our little princess is 10 months old and not so little anymore! She is growing and learning like crazy and I can see the little independent toddler coming out in her - just a month or two and she will be walking around and creating more distance between me and her. Sigh...

Addy continues to be a quiet soul. She is so laid back and really just goes with the flow. She can skip a nap if needed and still stay relatively easy and well behaved. She has had to have sitters twice this month and was a perfect angel both times! If she and Jax are playing in a room, it's hard to remember she's even there sometimes because she can play so quietly and contently. She is concentrating so hard on the play and the learning she is doing. That's not to say that she can't be pretty loud and demanding if needed. She is a momma's girl and if I happen to leave the room when she thinks she needs me, the whole world will hear her protest. It does my heart good to know she still needs me!

Addy decided a few weeks ago that she actually does like baby food and has resumed eating 3 meals a day. We have no idea what started the "solid food strike" but we sure are glad it is over. The all-liquid diet led to poopy diaper blowouts 3 or 4 times a day. Not cool. Addison is still getting up twice a night to eat, but at least she goes right back to sleep and at least she stopped that 3 times a night business. I am coming to wonder if it was a growth spurt. Whatever it was, I'm glad it's over. Now if we could start cutting down to 1 feeding a night, I'd be set! Addison has her own way of telling us if she wants something or not - she shakes her head "no no" when she doesn't and she claps her hands if she does. It is hilarious to pull out a box of cereal or something and see her in her chair clapping her hands at me like she's saying "Yes, mommy, I want that!" She is just a riot!

Addison is incredibly gorgeous. Her beautiful blonde hair is definitely noticed by many. And it curls around the edges, especially after baths, and is so adorable! Her piercing blue eyes are also a striking feature of hers! She loves her big brother and likes to follow him around the house. And she is definitely the baby of the house and my precious little girl. I have the cutest Christmas outfit picked out for her, complete with a personalized onesie and tutu:). Love it! I am loving every second with my baby girl. It is hard to believe she is mere weeks away from turning 1. I still am unsure how I will do with that big milestone. My babies sure are growing at light speed. Happy 10 months, baby doll! Mommy adores you!

*On a side note, today is December 18. Two years ago today, we lost our second baby. Our world was rocked. The grief was indescribable. And now I am posting about my youngest child - I have TWO! CRAZY! I will always have an awful feeling in my stomach every time I remember our losses. But our incredible blessings have taken up so much space in my heart, I don't have to live deep in that place of loss anymore. I am so blessed. I will remember my second baby tonight, and I will allow myself to be sad, and then I will go to sleep with my 2 living babies sleeping just down the hall from me. And then I will be happy again.

Coffe Ain't Cuttin' It

I know I have been a bad blogger. In my defense, I have 2 very needy babies. And I've been sick for about 2 months on and off. Can't seem to get well before the next wave of yuckiness takes over my body. It's awful. Which brings me to my blog subject today - sleep, or my lack of it. I am so very tired. Addison just won't sleep well. She has always been up 2 times a night, and that has been hard enough. Recently she has had a cold and sometimes won't go back to sleep. So we are up for an hour or two in the middle of the night and that is just for one feeding. And then, to top it off, the last few days, she has gotten up not once, not twice but THREE times! It is pretty much every 2 hours. I usually get one 3 hour chunk all night and the rest of my chunks are 1-2 hours. It's not enough. No wonder I can't get well.

I am starting to wonder if she is not getting enough milk at night. She nurses pretty quickly and continues sucking like she wants more, not just the sucking for comfort. She has been crying more when I put her down to bed, too. So last night I made up a bottle of breastmilk with 2 teaspoons of rice cereal in it (she won't eat cereal so I can't spoon feed it). It was the first bottle I have given her since she was a newborn and needed me to supplement. I figured she'd refuse it. I decided to try and give her a bottle and then nurse and see how it went. The good news is she sucked down the bottle, had a full nursing session, and went to sleep pretty easily. The bad news is she was still up 3 times - 12:30am, 2:30am and 5:30am. It was miserable. But, again, she doesn't seem to get a lot of milk in those midnight feedings. Has anyone else had your milk supply just diminish around 9 or 10 months? I am taking domperidone still, but I'm wondering if it's not working anymore. When I pump during the day at work, I get about 5 oz. I used to get 6-9oz. So maybe my body is getting ready to wean her?

And if that's the case, I'm going to have a serious cry. I'm not ready to let go. I'm not ready for her to wean. I get only one shot at this and I want this closeness with her for as long as possible. She's already mere months away from becoming a toddler. My heart can't take losing the breastfeeding relationship too. My plan was to nurse her into her second year, even if just at night before bed. I should know that plans don't always work out by now. But every time I think of not nursing her anymore, my heart hurts and I start to well up. I'm not ready.

But I am tired. So I am going to try the bottle before nursing and increase the amount a little each night to see if that helps. Any other ideas are seriously welcomed. I'm exhausted, but I'm also terrified that this means nursing could come to an end sooner rather than later. Please tell me this is not the case!

Since I have been a bad blogger (well, I do read and comment like crazy, so not THAT bad!), here is a sneak peak at upcoming blogs:

Jackson visited his birthmom again!

Jackson's birthfather is coming to visit Jackson this weekend and he is bringing his parents who haven't met him yet - big stuff!

I am writing a piece on infant mental health and adoption for a professional newsletter. When it is done, I will post here.

Christmas with babies is by far the most amazing way to celebrate this holiday. I'm lovin' it!

And Addison turns 10 months old this week!

So much to write about, so little time:). Thanks to those of you who are still reading and sticking with me, if you are out there!

Thankful

I am thankful for so many things. My mom, my sister, my amazing husband, his wonderful family, my Arizona family who we will be celebrating with tomorrow....the list goes on when it comes to people in my life. I am blessed. And then I am thankful for my career, for being able to doing what I love. And for balance - I get to do what I love part time and raise my babies full time. It was always a dream of mine, and that dream is being realized. I am beyond thankful for the "simple" things as well - (more than) enough food in my refrigerator and pantry, health insurance that allows my family to stay healthy, a home big enough for all of us to have plenty of space, clean water, heat when it is cold outside, clothes for the sake of frills instead of necessity, safety in my home and community....and I know the list could go on and on. I will never understand why I was so blessed as to be born into this life. And I try not to go even one day without taking at least a moment to say a prayer and to say thank you.

And then, of course, the two blessings in my life that leave me speechless. There are no words to express my gratitude for these gifts. I am so, so thankful....

Happy Thanksgiving!

Addison is 9 Months Old!!

My sweet princess is 9 months old (as of the 15th) and I can hardly stand how amazing she is! She continues to be the most determined and motivated baby I know. She just doesn't give up when she wants something and falling down, bumping her head or mommy pulling her away doesn't even phase her. I am so proud just watching her. Tonight in the bath tub, Addison fell backward and she can't get herself up from that position, so we always have to rescue her. Her face clouded over with shock and fear, and it literally broke my heart. Once I sat her back up, she didn't even cry or whine. She is such a trooper. But I hugged her and kissed her anyway. And I told her that mommy will never let anything bad happen to her. And then my heart sank as I realized, I can't promise that forever. Some day soon, she will be bigger and more independent and I won't be able to protect her from everything in this world. My heart couldn't tolerate that thought, so I just hugged and kissed her some more and tried to distract myself. I don't know if it is because she is my baby (as opposed to my big boy:)) or my girl or what, but I am intensely protective of her. I literally feel her sadness, her pain, her fear to my absolute core. I can't even think about her not being happy. She just always has to be happy. That's all I ask.

Addison is pulling up to stand everywhere on everything. She can cruise along furniture but doesn't choose to often. She seems to prefer crawling. She can really get places fast that way! She is babbling a lot and has been saying "ma ma ma" a lot. She also shakes her head back and forth when I say "no no no." It is so adorable! Addison has pretty much refused all baby food lately. She just sees the bowl and starts waving her hands in front of her and shaking her head. She makes her wants (and dislikes) very clear! We found out recently that she absolutely loves macaroni and cheese and mandarin oranges. Unfortunately, she just picks and can't possibly eat an entire meal of that stuff. She is not getting the nutrients she needs from it. She needs her baby food. But, again, she refuses, so what can I do? She still can't tolerate thicker baby foods, like stage 3, and just gags on them. The doctor tells me to just keep trying and practicing eating food with her and she'll eventually get it. I have a feeling we have a very picky eater on our hands. Addison still gets up twice a night to eat pretty much every night. I also asked the doctor about this - and his answer is that she probably is hungry because she's not eating her solid meals. I was actually relieved to hear him say this. I was worried he would tell me she wasn't hungry and to let her cry. And I just know that's not the case. So, we keep getting up. One day, I will sleep a full night again. One day...

Addison is 19lbs 5oz (61st percentile) and she is 29.25 inches long (95th percentile). She is tall, tall, tall!! She has to wear 18 month shirts now! And 12-18 month pants. It's crazy, I tell you! She is just soooo long! She is gorgeous. I can hardly believe she is mere weeks away from being a toddler. I hope I can survive her growing up, because it is hard to even think about my baby not being a baby anymore. We love you, sweet baby girl! Happy 9 months!

Adoption Day

One year ago on November 6, the judge declared by law what was already true in our hearts: Jackson Levi is our son. Forever and ever. And while it was a "simple" formality, it meant everything. So, I wanted to be sure we at least marked the day. I don't know that it will be a huge occasion in our home in the years to come, but I still want it to be recognized. So I ordered some cake pops as a special treat for Jackson to have. And boy did he love them:)....

This last year has been such a whirlwind. I feel like I am just settling into life now. And it feels good. We are complete and now we get to enjoy every little thing about our babies. And Adoption Day for our sweet boy is no exception:). Our lives and our hearts became full the day he was placed in our arms. He has brought an immense amount of joy, love and laughs into our home. I can't believe how blessed we are. Happy Adoption Day to my little man, mommy loves you more than words could ever express.

Happy Halloween!!

I once dreamed of the day I could dress up my little one(s) and become a part of the Halloween celebrations! For myself, I don't really care about the holiday. It's never been a biggie for me. But oh how I love to join the world of families and dress my little ones up! We just went to a church event for about an hour and a half. Nothing big. But it was just enough. Here are my precious little ones enjoying the holiday...

My baby girl's first Halloween. It's just too much!! Her little skirt has pink skulls in the lace. Too cute.

Of course Jackson had to be spiderman. I'm pretty sure Jason would not have had it any other way:). How cute is this little man??

LOVE!

This was their favorite activity of the night. Jackson was soaked through his clothes, but who cares? It was pretty much the only thing they really DID at the event.

Things that make me smile...

Wow, a post a day for 2 days! Don't worry the trend cannot and will not continue, lol! I noticed throughout my day so many little things that make my heart just swell with love, so I figured I'd share:)....

• Addison is clapping her hands - especially when I'm doing something she likes, like getting her more puffs. It is A-dor-able!! And her eating puffs is a sight to see, too. Her aim is not quite on target, lol. SO cute!
• Both babies love the "men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men" song from Two and a Half Men. I have that show on from 6-7pm because Jason is at work and I don't like the dark quiet house. And they have picked up on that song and stop what they are doing to look at me and smile....and Jackson dances to it! Tonight we were in a completely different room eating dinner and he heard it and started dancing in his chair with a huge grin on his face. Priceless!
• We went to the eye doctor today to get glasses and some other people there were talking to Jackson. He's a gorgeous little man and he draws a crowd:). He was on my lap and shyly cuddled into my chest. I LOVE that feeling. I love being his mom. I love that he feels safe with me. I love being THE ONE for him. I craved that feeling for so many years.
• I take daily walks with the babies now. I love it. They are calm and quiet the entire time. I don't have to entertain them. We get fresh air. I get a little exercise. What's not to love?
• The babies were in their chairs tonight eating dinner and just cracking each other up. They would reach towards each other and then they'd both just start giggling. They made eye contact and seemed to be communicating in their own amazing way. I have no idea what was so funny but they just kept laughing. And of course I laughed. I love that they are playing together like this now. It's just now hitting me that Addison has a brother and Jackson has a sister. I hope they always know what a blessing that is.
• Nursing Addy before her naps and before bed continues to be some of the best moments of my days. I cherish each moment. In 4 months, she will be a toddler. Cuddle time is at a premium. Maybe I shouldn't nurse her to sleep (she doesn't always go to sleep though) but I could care less. I earned this bliss. And I will eat it up.
• I attempted my first out-of-the-house trip by myself with the babies that was just for fun (we've done it for necessity, but I normally wait for Jason to be home to go out for fun because it is SO much work with 2 babies). We went to the mall play area. It went wonderfully (well, at least the babies did SO well, the play area was a mess of drama that I don't want to get in to here) and it built up my confidence. I will try it more and more. I can do this!
• Both babies are usually in bed by 8pm now. And I get an hour or so to do what I need to do AND what I want to do. I get to watch one of my favorite shows on my DVR or cruise facebook or write blogs about all the ways my babies make me smile:).
• And, my hubby makes me smile every day too - he is SO cute with these babies. He adores them, they adore him. But he still recognizes that I am the favorite and he's ok with that:). He works hard so I can be at home with my babies and have the luxury to work out of the home when I choose and how I choose. And then he watches the babies when I do work. And he does all our vacuuming! Now THAT'S a keeper, lol! I am so blessed to share this life, and these miracles, with him.

So, there you go, just a short list of the things that make my days amazing. How did I get so lucky? I don't know, but I'm sure going to savor every moment!

Jackson's 1 Year Photos....

Yep, I am WAY late on this. Over 2 months late. I have no excuse. There are more photos, but it's too much work trying to get them on here (they are BIG files and take forever to upload), so this is just a sampling:). Our little man has become such a big boy. He mimics things now, he plays with a purpose - for example, stacking rings instead of taking them apart, putting all the play food in the play pot, making the "vroom" noise when he has a car or when he wants to push us in his car (a cardboard box he likes to ride in:))... It's amazing. He is communicating with his actions now - tonight he stopped playing and walked to the bathroom when he was ready to go to bed so I could brush his teeth. Amazing! He also walked to the kitchen after his bath and cried when I tried to stop in the living room. He wanted his bottle, so he needed me to follow him to the kitchen! I wish he could use words, but for now, he's making himself pretty clear:). Jackson has the most amazing laugh and he loves to play silly games with us and giggle. He now begins the play and gives us cues on which games he wants to play. And my heart is so full just thinking about it! He is teething like crazy, he's got some rough molars coming in. And, bless his heart, he STILL sleeps through the night. He wakes up crying now and then, but by the time I get the energy up to go in there, he's already back to sleep. That's my good boy:). Jackson is learning to climb. Last night, he used the throw pillow on the floor as a step up to the couch and then proudly sat there playing with the remote control, just like mommy and daddy! I just love everything he does! This is such a fun age, and he is such a fun boy. I'll never get over how blessed we are to be his mom and dad. What a miracle he is.

Addison is 8 Months Old!!

Well, time keeps marching on! And our sweet little girl turned 8 months old. This girl is a SERIOUS go-getter. She never stops moving. Changing her diaper is an olympic event, I kid you not. When we take her into stores in the grocery cart, she bounces up and down constantly and you can hear her coming because the metal is clanging so much, lol! Addison is determined and persistent. If she wants something, she just keeps moving and pushing and concentrating until she gets it. She is like me in that way - NOTHING will get in her way if she wants something bad enough. I love watching her as she fights her way to whatever it is she wants. Because I fought my way to her in the exact same way.

Addison is crawling all over and is very competent now at pulling up to stand - she rarely falls now. She can get up and down quite gracefully. She has moved between things - like from the ottoman to the coffee table, but she is still not quite cruising on a regular basis. She is babbling a lot now and it is so freakin' adorable. She says "ba ba ba" and "da da da" and "ma ma ma." She sometimes plays in her crib before and after naps now (instead of screaming) and we love to hear her squealing and babbling in there. She squeals and growls a lot in general, but getting her to laugh is a special occasion. She still only has her bottom two teeth, but seems to be working on her top two - she's been really fussy and clingy lately and chewing on her fingers a lot.

Addison is still not really a fan of baby food. We did move her to Stage 2 foods, but she rarely eats more than a half of a jar for each meal, and even a half jar is a good feeding. Usually she takes 1 or 2 bites, then just fusses until we let her out of her chair. She also has tried cheerios and puffs, but again, she hasn't quite figured those out. I guess we should just go at her pace and hope she eventually makes her peace with food. She will go a few days sometimes when she will eat really well and excitedly. But then she always goes back to refusing it. Addison is sleeping from about 7:30 or 8pm until around 7 or 7:30am (although she was up at 6:30am the last 2 mornings, hope this isn't her new wake up time!). She gets up twice during the night to eat, usually around 1am and 4:30am. I really hope she drops one of those soon, but she's really showing no signs of being ready yet. I've talked to lots of moms lately who have babies who do this, so I'm now thinking this is actually more the norm than babies sleeping through the night by 6 months old? Who knows. I like to think this is just normal - it makes it more tolerable for me:). My favorite moments with her are before nap times and bed time when I rock her and nurse her and she cuddles with me and falls asleep (because she is moving non-stop the rest of the day:)). Seeing how quickly Jackson has become a "big boy," I know that these moments will be gone before I know it. So I just study her face and soak in her scent and pray that I can somehow remember these moments when she is bigger. I just look at her in sheer awe. What an amazing blessing she is.

Well, I guess that's enough for now about our precious "Addy pants." I asked her today if she wouldn't mind just staying my little baby forever. Jason wasn't a fan (he, like most daddies, is looking forward to the older stages:)). I honestly can't imagine loving her ANY more than I do right now, so I just want to freeze time and cherish every second with my baby girl. I hope she knows, on some level, how very much I love her. It actually hurts to think about it, I love her that much. Happy 8 months, my sweet girl. We love you more than words could ever express.

We Love Grandmas

We have been so blessed to have two of our babies' grandmas visit them recently. We live far away from our families, and the hardest part of that distance is knowing my babies do not know their families. I never had a special grandma or grandpa growing up, but Jason did (does). And I know how magical it can be for some kids. I want that for my kids. There is a special love that only grandmas can have for their grandchildren. I want my babies to feel that. They deserve it. I see other children around me with grandmas tripping over themselves to be with them and I crave that for my babies. They deserve to have more people than just mommy and daddy who think they are the best thing EVER. For now, we are just lucky that their grandmas choose to take their precious time and money to come and see them. Jackson and Addison are so lucky to have these 2 amazing grandmas - GiGi (Grandma Gail, Jason's mom) and Nana (my mom). When they are around, my babies are the center of their universe. I love watching that. You can see why...

Getting a "car ride" from GiGi - it is exhausting work but GiGi would do it for him all day long if he wanted.

At the pool. Two gorgeous girls:).

Another fun day at the pool with Nana. This picture reminds me of pictures of me as a baby with my mom.

Center of her universe, right there.

Love in a picture.

I also love to have the historical perspective when the grandmas are around. They tell us about how we were when we were babies, how much our babies are like us or not like us, and what worked and didn't work for them. Becoming a parent is such a magical time - sharing it with our moms is a blessing. Maybe one day we will be closer to them. Until then, we treasure the time they spend with us, and our two little miracles.

Well, helloooo, Attitude!

Jackson has hit an interesting stage. One I do not like one bit. Tonight, I had told him "no" about something and then he turned around and tried to walk away but fell and bumped his head. He got mad. Like, HOLY COW mad! He was screaming and I immediately scooped him up like I normally do. And he looked at me with these angry eyes and hit me in the face. And pulled away. And screamed some more. He was so mad...at ME! I couldn't comfort him. He has been having fleeting moments of anger with us when we take something away or tell him "no," but the pure anger (and it felt like hate!) in his eyes tonight and the high pitched screaming was unbelievable. I finally put him down and tickled him a little and he snapped out of it. But wow. I was shaken to the core. My son has begun the important developmental task of learning that mommy can be good and bad. And I don't like watching him figure that out. Breaks my heart.

Jackson is sensitive - to put it lightly. He is SO happy when he is happy. But if he is sad or angry, those emotions are BIG too. I know that he will always need support in regulating his emotions. They just take over and he seems unable to control them when they feel so big for him. So I know that this new realization that he can be mad at mommy is really affecting him. He's having a hard time with it.

And I'm having a hard time with it, too. He has begun to hit for attention and in anger. He is rough with Addison. And he does things he knows he's not supposed to just to get a reaction from us. So, while he is working on his developmental task, I am working on my own - how to stay calm and accept myself when I am not liking my 1 year old very much. I know it's not the "nice mommy" thing to say, but it's true. For that brief moment, anger ripped through my body. He hit me, and his eyes showed the anger behind that violence! But he is only one, and he is my baby, and we figured it out. But I can't help but feel guilty that I didn't like him very much in that moment.

This mommy stuff is hard. I thought the baby stage was hard, but today was my wake up call - it's all hard. It's also all rewarding.

All About My Sweet Boy

I'm not doing monthly updates now that Jackson is one year old, but it doesn't mean I don't want to brag about him as often as possible:). This little boy lights up our life in every way. He is so happy! He loves his drumsticks and looks for them first thing in the morning and is generally walking around with one or both of them throughout the day. He loves walking around, so whenever we go somewhere new, he likes to be put down and explore! He has gotten more comfortable in new places and is less anxious when we put him down, so he really can enjoy all our outings now! We take him (and Addy) to the park, the mall, Target and even to a farm!

Jackson has begun dancing now to any music he hears. And it is seriously the cutest thing EVER! If I knew how to post videos, I would post one - but I don't, lol! Suffice it to say, it is the funniest thing you have ever seen. Even when he is in his high chair, he rocks back and forth to the music. I can't help but laugh every time. And speaking of laughing, Jackson has quite the sense of humor. He knows when he has made us laugh and he loves to repeat whatever it is he did to get a reaction out of us. So sweet. He also waves now and says "hi" and likes to greet people in stores.

I have started giving the babies baths together all on my own. It is a little hectic, but it goes pretty well! Jackson is quite the bully with his little sister. He likes to take toys right out of her hands, and he likes to hit her with his toys. Yikes. He's a rough and tough little boy. That is until we go to the pediatrician's office. Our poor little guy has had a very persistent diaper rash that turned into a yeast infection then back to a rash. The minute we walk into to the examination room, Jackson falls apart. The nurse just being in the room sends him into a panic. Every time. No matter what. It's so sad. He HATES being examined. He really doesn't like strangers in his personal space. He's been this way since about his 6 month well baby visit.

Jackson has become quite attached to the monkey lovey he is holding in this picture. We have had to shut his bedroom door when he's awake now because he will find his way down the hallway and to his crib and pull his monkey out. He'll then walk around sucking his thumb and cuddling his monkey. It is beyond adorable. But we want that to be a bedtime thing - the thumb AND the monkey:).

Well, I could go on for days about this little man. But I'm sure many of you checked out about 3 paragraphs ago:). Let's just say that Jackson makes our world a million times happier. We love everything about him. He's an emotional little guy and requires a great deal of TLC, but we wouldn't have it any other way. We are so blessed.